Jealousy and envy may seem like odd emotions to include in this series, but I don’t think so.

I’m sure most birthmothers can attest to feeling jealous or envious related to adoption at some point and time. I know I have felt both of these emotions.

You could feel jealous or envious towards: 1. The adoptive parents – Even though making an adoption plan was your decision, you may still experience some feelings of jealousy towards the adoptive parents as they have your child, get to see most of his/her firsts, spend more time with him/her, etc.... more

Fear is normal and healthy in moderation. Everyone becomes afraid of something during the course of their life and has fears. Some fears are constant meaning we may be afraid of something our whole lives, while other fears are situational, meaning we are afraid of certain things during a particular time in our life.

When you think of the word fear you may think of a fear of spiders, a fear of heights, or a fear of death. But there are smaller, more everyday type fears that each of us feels almost every single day.

During an unplanned pregnancy you... more

Guilt is defined as “an awareness of having done something wrong accompanied by the feelings of shame and regret.”

I’m sure most birthmothers will agree that at some point in their lives, they have guilt over making an adoption plan. We tend to feel guilty when we have violated rules and not lived up to the expectations of others and most often, even ourselves.

In an open adoption, you may feel guilt for a number of different reasons, the biggest being (at least for me personally) the guilt that comes with not being able to parent my child... more

Open adoption is like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Just like a roller coaster, open adoption provides the participants with ups and downs and twists and turn. You are never quite sure what is coming up ahead or what is coming next.

There are so many emotions that you may be experiencing in an open adoption. You may feel happy and sad all at once.

In the next few days, we will explore the rollercoaster ride of emotions that open adoption is. I will also share with you tips on how to deal with certain emotions. Of course, since I am... more

When grief is too intense or lasts too long it can cause prolonged problems as the sadness evolves into dark depression and anxiety disorders.

Extreme reactions may include:

Feelings of panic and frenzy Emotional numbness that does not go away Going to extremes to avoid thinking of the loss such as abusing drugs or alcohol or becoming totally immersed in work

It’s important to know that grief and depression are not one in the same. While grieving, you can still see the joy in some things such as a... more

Dealing with your grief can be tough at times. Your grief may feel like this huge, enormous obstacle. There are some healthy ways you can learn to deal with your grief and to cope.

Lean on supportive friends and family. Even if they may not totally understand all the emotions you are experiencing as a birthmother, still lean on them when you need to. Express your emotions. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up inside, it’s unhealthy and will hurt you more in the long run. Talk to a professional counselor. Write in a journal. If you are angry,... more

At some point in our lives, we all grieve something, some kind of loss, whether it be the loss of a person or the loss of a situation. In adoption, birthmothers grieve the loss of their child and the loss of their motherhood.

Granted, open adoption does make things easier in some ways as we get to see our child and know that he or she is happy but there is still never ending, unresolved, circular grief to deal with in regards to being a birthmother.

Grieving is healthy so let yourself do it. You may find it helpful (or at least it was helpful for me) to learn... more

The Welfare Of The People Shall Be The Supreme Law- Motto of the state of Missouri.

I have not been able to write very much lately, I have been too consumed with the welfare of my family, most importantly my three children. We are about to become one of the many Missouri families to lose our health coverage thanks to a loophole in our state laws covering foster, adoptive, and low income families. It really just makes me sick thinking about it.

Currently our family’s... more

You cannot seem to explain to my middle daughter Cierra how to properly treat our pet puppy Bayleigh. I have been over and over this with her till I am blue in the face yet she persists with getting down on all fours and screaming in the dogs face, chasing her at full speed around the house and cornering her and holding her down. Needless to say this is not enjoyed too much by the dog. Today Bayleigh bit and scratched Cierra. . . Again. This is the third time she has been bit (not breaking the skin but definitely leaving marks). No one else in our family... more

Most of us have heard about postpartum depression. The hormones at work in a woman’s body after she gives birth are very powerful and can cause extreme emotions and often a sort of “surge” of depression known as postpartum depression. This depression is treatable and often the mother is feeling more herself in a relatively short amount of time.

When parents adopt a child they do not really ever expect to go through similar depression because the have not gone through an actual, physical pregnancy, but research is beginning to show that... more