Although it may not feel like it in some parts of the country (like mine lately!) the first day of autumn officially was Sunday. Hopefully the weather will catch up with the calendar soon!

If you have a visit planned for this fall, I have some ideas for you!

Note: Some of the ideas below will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have with visits, and your child’s age and are intended to include the child’s adoptive parents as well.

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As parents it’s your job to make sure that you child feels safe and loved in their environment. People who pursue open adoption want that feeling of comfort and love to be provided by not just themselves, but the birthfamily of their child as well. That is why most of us choose openness and pursue contact. We want our kids to benefit from the positives that are possible.

Some people tend to feel however, that even if a child has uncomfortable feelings about a person in their birthfamily, you should just forge forward with that relationship regardless.... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

I think anyone who truly understands even the basics of adoption also knows that the life long process is never without some pain and anguish. For many who came to understand this truth early on, open adoption seemed to offer a solution that could in some ways lessen the struggles and frustration for our children. Having an open adoption may have certain benefits for a child, but does being given so much information, so early on, also provide some additional issues for young minds?

In many ways openness can be beneficial, but for some while... more

While it is true that adoption can provide for the needs of many of the world’s abandoned children, and even offer an option for expectant mothers, who for a myriad of reasons might not be able to parent their child, it is certainly not a cure all. People also offer up openness as a solution for some of the many issues that come with adoption, but sadly even open adoption cannot address everything. Sometimes openness is an odd mixture that can benefit a child in some ways, as well as potentially set them up to repeat negative birthfamily... more

I noticed some time back, that Jenna at the birthparent blog had mentioned the concerns she has about some visits with her Munchkin. More recently she spoke of how some visits might not be possible as the birth of her new baby nears. I agree that even when missing some visits cannot be avoided (like when you need to take it easy during a high risk pregnancy) it is still a very disappointing thing.

I too have noticed how hard things in an open... more

Well my visitors of the last three and a half weeks have left us today. I really enjoyed having my nieces stay with us, they will be missed by everyone here. My girls enjoyed playing with their older, “cool” cousins, and my little son enjoyed the extra pampering he received. We really all wanted to keep R and K forever. The sad detail in this visit, is that it was just one of many similar sad goodbyes over the years for us, and it made me again wonder why it has to happen.

The girls started coming to us as babies, being raised by a mother who... more

Visits themselves are bittersweet. I love spending time with Charlie and his family, but I hate saying goodbye and dread that part before even going to the visit. I usually feel a little down and have a case of the post visit blues after a visit. You may experience this as well, but don’t worry, I have some ideas on how to cope!

When you get home, journal about your visit. Write down where you went, who all was with you, what you did, what your favorite part of the visit was, your thoughts and feelings, and any other pertinent details. Do this... more

There are occasions that your visits may include other people. Sometimes, other people who are not touched by adoption just may not understand the whole concept of open adoption and might not know how to behave with adoption being right there visible and tangible.

If you are a birthmother and you attend your placed child’s birthday party or if your placed child attends your parented child’s birthday party, there are obviously going to be other people around. If you are out and about in your own town doing some sort of activity for your visit, you may run... more