Do you have a visit coming up this month? If you get together with your child’s family during the month of December, I have some holiday themed ideas that you could do during your time together. Whether or not you are able to do some of these ideas will depend on your child’s age, how close or far apart you live, the type of relationship you have with your child’s family, and how open your adoption is.

Trim the tree ~ When it’s time to decorate your Christmas tree, invite your child (and family) over to help! Serve some eggnog or holiday punch, turn on some Christmas carols,... more

Currently I am still under the weather, and my husband has had to step up to handle some of the logistics of a birthfamily visit yesterday. Usually the responsibility for making arrangements and carrying out contact rests squarely on my shoulders, but with the holiday frenzy, and my feeling very, very yucky, I had to pass the baton. Last evening he took our oldest daughter to attend an anniversary dinner for her birth grandparents at a local restaurant. I am sure things went well, our daughter had a good time, I just hope dad did not fall asleep (yes he has been known to do... more

In my last post, I shared about how I have been missing Charlie more so than usual lately. I’m not a patient person and the wait time in between visits can sometimes seem like forever. So, what should you do when that wait time seems like ions?

I’m sure each birthmother is different as to what helps her cope in between visits but here’s what I do to try and get through that time: 1. I initiate more contact in other ways such as phone or mail. As of lately, I have been sending Charlie more cards than I... more

One on my readers IRIE recently asked me how to go about embracing birthfamily who want more contact. It seems she is also struggling with her own feelings concerning birthfamily members, who want to be super involved with her child. There were certain levels of contact IRIE reported not feeling so comfortable with, at this point anyway, but the fact she is seeking input to work through her feelings shows that potentially, when her child may be ready, she might also be open to such contact.

It... more

Today I will begin the afore mentioned series for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) in which I will post a different negative or positive aspect of open adoption primarily based on my own personal experiences each day through out the month of November. Since I am typically one of those “good news first” type of people, I will kick off this series with a positive post.

One of the most positive aspects of my open adoption has been our visits.... more

Probably the single most important thing to have in an open adoption is trust. Trust is not something that happens easily, or occurs overnight, it takes time and a lot of work from everyone involved. Trust is also a two way street, if one person does not follow through then building the trust in the relationship is impossible.

You might be wondering why the topic of trust is on my mind this evening, and I will share that it is because with my middle daughter we have reached a turning point in out trust building with her birthfamily. Tonight I sort of did something that... more

We are getting ready for another weekend visit at our house. This time it will be our middle child’s rather large extended birthfamily. A group of about six of them will be coming out for the Halloween celebrations at the nearby resort where we are all owners. Although I do not mind hosting things in our home as we often have in the past, having the activities and run of the resort will be a nice thing! I have not been feeling well this week, so that removes the added stress of needing to clean a messy house for visitors. The cleaning/preparation part of the visit process always... more

Well our house full of visitors has come and gone, and the long process of reflection, that I usually under go after every visit, can now commence.

This visit was really anxiously anticipated here by everyone, but most especially myself and my son. He has been super ready to see his new baby brother M for some time. Upon the two of them meeting it was very evident that Carson feels a great sense of connection and responsibility for his baby brother. More than once he took the bottle away from me to take over giving the baby a drink, which surprised me I admit. At... more

The last few days here have been about me getting ready for a visit with my son’s birthfamily. I have been cleaning, and cooking, and gathering a few gifts for the big day. I am especially excited about this visit, because it has been longer than normal since our last, and because there are a few “new” members for us to meet.

This will be the first time for my son to visit with his new baby brother M. The baby is just few months old, and Carson is very excited about seeing him for the first time. Part of me is sad that we do not live close enough for me to have taken my son... more

Today I was on the phone with my son’s birthmother P. Sadly since she has moved to another state, the extent of our relationship lately has been only through emails or phone calls, when either of us gets a spare moment. With me and three busy children in school, and P with a new job and a quickly growing baby boy at home, those times are beginning to seem fewer and father between. Sometimes the things that change in our lives, are in ways we had hoped to avoid, or with things we have little control over. For me this slowing down of our open relationship with P is one of those... more