Although it isn’t officially summer yet it sure feels like it here in the South! Summer is a great time for visits as the kids get out of school, the days tend to feel longer, etc. I think there is just a more fun feel to summer. I have some ideas of ways you can have fun with your child on summertime visits.

Note: Some of the ideas below will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have with visits, and your child’s age. The ideas below are intended to include the... more

I’ve been doing an impromptu mini series on the “post visit blues” which is the nickname I have given the sadness and depression a birthmother sometimes feels after a visit. Yesterday, I shared with you ways that I personally try to cope with the post visit blues. So, today, I’ve reached out to my birthmother friends and asked them how they cope.

First of all, L made a really good point. For her the sadness after... more

In my last post, I talked about “the post visit blues,” the nickname I have given to the overwhelming feelings of sadness that some birthmothers may experience after a visit with their child. I generally feel sadness and “let down” after a visit but this particular time it’s more intense and lasting longer than usual. Since I have been dealing with this for six years now, I have come up with some methods of coping that work for me.

1. Acknowledge the feelings. It’s important that... more

The downside to my recent visit with Charlie and his family for his Kindergarten graduation has been dealing with my emotions afterwards. It was bittersweet being able to attend his graduation ceremony. It was amazing spending time with him and seeing his personality come through more than I ever have before.

But at the same time leaving him was so hard. Usually I try to prepare myself ahead of time for the “goodbye.” I tend to try and think of it as “see... more

I still have weddings on the brain! In the last two posts, I have written about my son’s adoptive family being involved in our wedding and both his adoptive mom and sister were in our wedding party. As I stated in one of those posts, asking my son’s adoptive family to participate in our wedding and to be there, felt only natural to me however, I did worry about how other people would react.

At that point in time, Charlie was about one and a half years old. My parents... more

In my last post, I wrote about some of the wedding related moments that I have been able to share with my son and his adoptive Mother as a result of open adoption. As I mentioned in that post, A was a bridesmaid in our wedding. But not only was it important to me for her to be a part of our wedding, it was important to me that N, Charlie’s sister by adoption, be a part of our wedding as well. I asked N to be a flower girl in our wedding.

You may be wondering why was it important... more

My niece is getting married on Saturday. I have been helping her plan the wedding since she and her fiancé’ set the date. I’ve been so busy this past week helping her with last minute details for the wedding and preparations that can only be done in the week prior to a wedding. She’s also had two bridal showers, both of which I have attended, one of which I was in charge of in the past two weeks.

The showers and wedding preparations have of course reminded me of my own bridal showers and wedding that were just five years ago this month! Feeling nostalgic, I was just... more

Spring has sprung! Well technically, it has. We still had freezing temperatures overnight earlier in the week, but according to the calendar it is spring. Do you have an upcoming visit with your child and family? If so, I have spring visit ideas for you.

Note: Some of the ideas below will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have with visits, and your child’s age. The ideas below are intended to include the child’s adoptive parents and siblings as well.

It can be upsetting to me as a birthmother when a visit gets cancelled whether it is me doing the cancelling or Charlie’s Mom; but it does happen from time to time for a myriad of different reasons such as someone got sick, there was an emergency, something else came up that could not be done at a later time, something happened at work, you’re struggling emotionally at that time and can’t handle a visit; just to name a few.

In the six years that Charlie has been born and we’ve had an open adoption arrangement, we’ve only had to cancel visits a few times and I... more

Visits with my son are bittersweet. While I love the time I get to spend with him, I always dread having to say goodbye and leave him or have him leave me or us leaving each other if we are in a neutral location, whatever the case maybe.

Recently I was having a discussion with some other birthmothers and we were discussing “saying goodbye” versus saying “see you later.” It may seem like something small and just a play on words but for me personally changing my mentality and seeing our separating at visits as more of a “see you later” than an actual goodbye has been helpful... more