This scenario could go two different ways, but the end result is the same, you are separated by many miles from your child and your child’s family. Before I dive into the subject at hand, let me say, that I understand not everyone placed their child with adoptive parents in the same area, so this is geared towards those who do…

You place your child in an open adoption agreement and are able to see him or her periodically but then because of career choices, family situations, or other circumstances on either your part or your child’s family’s part, you (scenario... more

I’m going to begin a short little series on some of the things that may arise and that you may have to deal with in your adoption situation.

One of your rights as a mother is to name your baby, even if you are making an adoption plan, naming your baby is still your right. The adoptive parents then have the right to re-name the child. In some open adoptions nowadays, birthparents and adoptive parents will discuss the child’s name before hand and come to an agreed name. In other cases where the birthmom names her child, adoptive parents may keep the first... more

Recently my hubby J and I were discussing Charlie, his adoption, different adoption scenarios, and the role that birthparents can or can not play in particular adoption situations.

J is not Charlie’s birthfather. There has never been any involvement on Charlie’s birthfathers part and I don’t foresee that changing in the near future. J was there for me during my pregnancy, the decision making process where I had to choose parenting or adoption, and then once I decided on adoption, he supported me through the adoption process. Had I chosen to parent, he... more

I recently had a topic request from a fellow birthmom.

”My child’s first birthday is coming up and I am having a hard time emotionally. I am afraid that his birthday will be rough. Can you suggest some things I could do or ways to take my mind off his birthday?”

I agree – birthdays are rough! I really think that no matter what you do, you are not going to be able to stop yourself from thinking of your child. It is the day you gave life to him or her and the events leading up to that momentous occasion will surely be played... more

Having children after the child they placed for adoption brings about many emotions for birthmothers. In fact, Jenna just did an excellent series on the emotions birthmothers have when having subsequent children in the Birth/First Parent Blog.

But having subsequent children also brings about many emotions for the placed child. They may feel that they are being replaced or they may feel insecure. As mothers, we all know that we have a special love for each of our children, but sometimes children need reassuring of this.

I ran across an article... more

Faith in the Hoping to Adopt Blog recently posted about baby showers in her surviving the wait series. While baby showers are hard for people who are experiencing difficulties with conceiving or infertility and parents who are waiting to adopt, they are also difficult for new birthmothers.

I had to throw a baby shower when Charlie was only about six months old. Big no no! I should have gracefully bowed out, but it was a special (and complicated) situation and I felt... more

The “M” word – not a bad word but one of the sweetest words in the English language or any language for that matter. The word "Mommy" (or any of it's variations) is music to a Mother's ears. Every Mother longs to hear her child call her Mom. It’s validating.

But for birthmoms, hearing our birth children say Mommy for the first time can be hard because they aren’t calling us Mommy; they are calling someone else Mommy.

I was very unprepared for the pain I would feel the first time I heard Charlie say “Mommy.” It was heartbreaking. At first,... more

Recently I received a copy of a really touching book written by Patricia Dischler about her own experience as a birthmother. Dischler placed her son for adoption in 1984 in what began as a semi-open arrangement (ground breaking at the time) and later on evolved into a fully open adoption.

This engaging story begins before Dischler’s son is even conceived. She is a newly independent young lady with a start on a successful printing business and living on her own when things began to take a turn in her life. An emotional breakup with her long time... more

Tomorrow I am supposed to be the librarian at my daughter’s school, it’s about the only thing that I really “do” anymore around other mommy-parent type people. I just never seem to “click” (and I do mean click baby) with any other mom types out there, so in effect I have just given up.

Honestly I am not quite sure why I get the long strange looks as the other moms take a few steps back from my approach. Why is it a big blank stare and no reply to my endless chirping of “Where did you find that?” Or “ How does your daughter/son respond to this?”... more

We read a lot about adoptive moms and birthmoms and the differences amongst the two types of mothers. While there are differences, I see a lot of similarities too.

As with any diverse group of women nowadays, we will have differences, but we have many similarities as well. We both know pain. Although the pain is caused by different reasons, at different times, and because of different circumstances, we do know pain. We both cry for the children we do not have. Again, at different times and for different circumstances, but adoptive mothers cry for the children... more