When I started the process to adopt, I was pretty sure I wanted it to be an open adoption. I knew that my future child would get a lot out of knowing his or her birthparents and I hoped that this knowledge would also help them feel secure and loved in their place as an adopted person. I also held the belief that by seeing and knowing my adopted child’s birthparents I would feel less afraid of the unknown things that could stand in the way of being a mom to my child. There would be no invisible, magically perfect person to live up to, or for my child... more

Today was a bit traumatic for me! You see my beautiful oldest child is in LOVE with Disney’s High School Musical which is on live tour near us right now. The local radio station was giving out six free tickets to tonight’s SOLD OUT show, along with (oh dream of pre-teen dreams!) Back stage passes!

Trying to be the super mom I set out to get those darn tickets!

This began at 6:00am when I found that no, they were not taking the 20th caller, they had trivia... more

I have to admit that I have not shared the fact that I am writing this blog. with the birthfamilies of my three children yet. On this point, right now anyway, I have not been so “open.” Oh I plan to share with them eventually, I guess I am just waiting for the moment when I feel it will be best heard. I want to feel like they are just as excited about what I am doing as I am, yet afraid they may be less than.

I had thought about sharing with everyone, right away, in fact I was very excited to share what I would be doing with anyone who would... more

Wikipedia describes

Regret is an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, or guilt after committing an action that the person later wishes that they had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way. In this regard, the concept of regret is subordinate to guilt in terms... more

Part One

After finding out the hard way that not everyone shares a new adoptive mother’s enthusiasm about her route to parenthood, I began to share less and less. At the very least I began to scrutinize a person before I shared. I had to feel them out to gage whether their response would be good or not so good.

I had to wonder if that is part of why closed adoptions were so popular years ago. Sharing sort of sets’ you up. A lot of people... more

Fellow blogger Jenna wrote a really great series about her “coming out of the closet” so to speak as a birthmother. It makes sense that presenting yourself in this little understood light can be difficult and you would expect to be unfairly judged and scrutinized. I am really glad she shared that aspect of her situation. I as well as a few others were surprised to learn that she was not always so open because she presents such a strong voice online.... more

Yesterday I shared my personal experience of dealing with having two children that are still siblings, yet separated by adoption. Today, I’d like to share some tips for those of you who may be in open adoptions dealing with this very issue of ways you can create some sort of bond between the siblings and remind them that they are still siblings.

These tips will work for either adoptive parents or birth parents but both parties need to be on board in order... more

When most families seeking to adopt consider open contact they often think about the following...

* Meeting the birthparents initially in person.

* Exchanging some sort of basic information about yourselves (first names, basic health and background)

* Verbal (sometimes written) agreements to correspond, send pictures and information about the child for a determined period of time, often indirectly and via the agency.

This can be termed as “Open Adoption” in the most basic sense. Compared to decades ago this is huge change from the... more

My co-blogger Deb just wrote an excellent series on independent adoptions and shared her personal journey of independent adoption.

My adoption was an independent adoption as well. I think there are both pros and cons for an expectant mom pursuing an independent adoption as well as a birthmom who has completed an independent adoption.

In an independent adoption, there is no... more

I have been thinking a lot lately about how it really feels to be an adoptive mother in an open adoption. I am currently party to three of them, so some days it can get quite intense.

Most days I feel happy. I am happy my kids are a part of my life and glad that I can help them stay connected to their roots. I like seeing the ways they resemble their birthfamily and ways they also take after myself or my husband.

Occasionally I feel sad. I feel sad that I did not carry and bring these children... more