As a birthmother, there are times throughout the days and years that we will feel triggered sadness, meaning the sadness is triggered by an event or holiday such as our child’s birthday, Mother’s Day, or even something like attending a baby shower.

On these days we feel the loss of our motherhood greatly. We are saddened for our loss and the hurt and heartache our souls feel. Some may think that the sadness is lessened because of open adoptions (and it could be, I’ve never experienced anything other than an open adoption) but regardless of the intensity... more

Fear is normal and healthy in moderation. Everyone becomes afraid of something during the course of their life and has fears. Some fears are constant meaning we may be afraid of something our whole lives, while other fears are situational, meaning we are afraid of certain things during a particular time in our life.

When you think of the word fear you may think of a fear of spiders, a fear of heights, or a fear of death. But there are smaller, more everyday type fears that each of us feels almost every single day.

During an unplanned pregnancy you... more

Guilt is defined as “an awareness of having done something wrong accompanied by the feelings of shame and regret.”

I’m sure most birthmothers will agree that at some point in their lives, they have guilt over making an adoption plan. We tend to feel guilty when we have violated rules and not lived up to the expectations of others and most often, even ourselves.

In an open adoption, you may feel guilt for a number of different reasons, the biggest being (at least for me personally) the guilt that comes with not being able to parent my child... more

Open adoption is like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Just like a roller coaster, open adoption provides the participants with ups and downs and twists and turn. You are never quite sure what is coming up ahead or what is coming next.

There are so many emotions that you may be experiencing in an open adoption. You may feel happy and sad all at once.

In the next few days, we will explore the rollercoaster ride of emotions that open adoption is. I will also share with you tips on how to deal with certain emotions. Of course, since I am... more

My co-blogger Coley, who also writes for the crisis pregnancy blog, recently did a great post concerning a birthparent view of things a expectant mother should consider before making an adoption plan. Some really great advice! I agree with her wisdom and perspective. While reading this post though, I began thinking how many of those same things could be slightly adjusted and addressed to potential adoptive... more

When we adopted our first child, and well before, somehow my husband and I just knew we could not take this child, any child, home and not want to keep them connected on some level to their birthfamily. This was not the most popular or understood decision with our friends and family however. Most of them could not understand why we would not want to just take our child home, and enjoy being parents without the constant reminders of how that came to pass. Looking back now, three open adoptions later, I think we can honestly say it is amazing we did not lose or resolve... more

“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”

-Winnie the Pooh

I love that little Pooh, even if he is a “silly ole bear” he has a darn good grasp of one of the most important ingredients for living with in a positive open adoption, Trust.

While one objective of open adoption is to lessen the loss for those involved, that is just what it does, it does not make loss disappear. Openness in adoption also means adoptive parents bearing witness, often on a daily basis, to... more

Entering into an open adoption can be a complicated endeavor. Even for parents who have prepared themselves in every way available, it can still fall short of what may be needed. Reading books, talking to others who adopted, meeting with counselors, selecting an ethical agency or facilitator, nothing can truly prepare you for the challenges that may lie ahead. Every adoption situation is as unique as the people involved. Every situation changes over time, as well as the feelings of all parties.

Part of what adoptive parents will learn... more

I can understand the reasoning behind the belief that reoccurring times such as birthdays and placement anniversaries can be a traumatic time for those who were adopted. It also happens to those of us who have suffered any deeply emotional loss, even the death of a child. What you will find is that this “feeling” of loss sort of goes into hibernation after a long initial period of grieving, but it still lies just under the surface and can show up in some interesting ways.

Many years I have just had what I somehow thought was an extreme “bad day” without... more

Well the most basic conclusion that could be drawn from the heading is that Yes, adoption means JOY for adopting parents and that is most of what I too hear from other members of the triad. As an adoptive parent I must only know complete joy about adoption, after all I am a parent because of adoption, therefore adoption=joy for me. That is what I too believed, before I actually... more