In the last two weeks we have had a lot going on, and if you were around my kids today you would have seen them crashing with the after effects. Today was our first “calm” day at home after almost 10 days of vacationing in various locations. There was a ton of fighting, screaming, and other discipline issues beyond the norm for all three of them. I know this is most likely a release from all the changes in the last two weeks, but it has been exhausting.

I think for all children change is a scary thing, but for adopted kids that fear... more

Have you ever noticed if your grief is worse at night? For me personally, my grief does get worse at night. Night is the time I end up having my breakdowns and crying and I’ve heard other birthmothers say that the nights are difficult for them as well.

So, why are nights more difficult at times? I think that during the day it is easier to keep ourselves busy and that often we just get caught up in the everyday busyness of our lives. We have jobs, friends, family, possibly other children, school, etc. to keep us pretty busy and that doesn’t give us a... more

Another therapeutic activity that is a personal favorite of mine is scrapbooking.

I’ve written before about Charlie’s life book. Creating his life book was empowering, healing, and therapeutic for me. His life book contains pictures, information from my childhood, and other miscellaneous information about my side of his biological family history. When creating his life book, I found comfort in the fact that through the life book he would always have something... more

Traditional journaling is a therapeutic activity for many birthmothers. Journaling, much like blogging, is a great way to work through any emotions you are feeling.

Journaling provides you with a way to release your emotions. You are not judged in your writings. It doesn’t matter how many spelling mistakes or grammatical errors you have in your writing. Journaling is for YOU to work through the many complicated emotions that come along with adoption and just life in and of its self.

If you are struggling with an issue or a decision, you can journal... more

“You can let the grief control you or you can control the grief.” ~ Author Unknown

I love this quote. I came across it awhile back and wrote it down. I don’t remember exactly where I found it though.

In the beginning of being a birthmother, the grief controlled me. I think that’s only normal in the beginning of something life altering, like relinquishing a child. There were days that I thought the grief would win and take over my life. But slowly, I began to realize that I couldn’t go on like that forever. I had to... more

I was having a great conversation with a friend and fellow birthmom last night and the phrase “moving on” in regards to adoption came up in the conversation. I really dislike this phrase.

I’m sure most birthmothers have heard it before. Sometimes other people will make the comment “she just needs to move on” or “get over it” about a birthmother or sometimes even directly say this to her. To me personally, moving on implies moving past something and forgetting it. I think people who are not touched by adoption (and even some that are touched by adoption... more

I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

I think anyone who truly understands even the basics of adoption also knows that the life long process is never without some pain and anguish. For many who came to understand this truth early on, open adoption seemed to offer a solution that could in some ways lessen the struggles and frustration for our children. Having an open adoption may have certain benefits for a child, but does being given so much information, so early on, also provide some additional issues for young minds?

In many ways openness can be beneficial, but for some while... more

I could not conclude this series without doing a section on happiness. It may feel like an odd emotion to include for the birthmother side of the adoption triad but in open adoption, there are moments of happiness.

Sometimes because there is so much loss and sadness involved in adoption from the birthmother’s point of view, that it is just nice to take a few minutes and focus, think of, and remember the moments that I smiled and felt happy.

Happiness is defined as a state of contentment or a pleasurable experience or activity. Keeping the latter... more

Jealousy and envy may seem like odd emotions to include in this series, but I don’t think so.

I’m sure most birthmothers can attest to feeling jealous or envious related to adoption at some point and time. I know I have felt both of these emotions.

You could feel jealous or envious towards: 1. The adoptive parents – Even though making an adoption plan was your decision, you may still experience some feelings of jealousy towards the adoptive parents as they have your child, get to see most of his/her firsts, spend more time with him/her, etc.... more