Even though the Christmas holidays are stressful and emotional, I still love them. Ever since I was a child, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday and even still now that I am dealing with the emotions that go along with being a birthmother at the holidays, I still enjoy Christmas.

But as I grow older each year after the holidays, I find myself depressed, down, and blue. There is typically so much anticipation, excitement, and emotion involved in Christmas and then it’s pretty much all over in one day. Plus, as birthmothers we are dealing with the emotions... more

Today has been a difficult one for me. Feeling under the weather, a balmy 75 today, expected to become a blustery 40 tomorrow, is just one small portion of the scenario though. Loss, and the losses we face as mothers, any kind of mothers, is yet another difficulty on my mind today.

Today is the birthday of my little nephew who passed away in 2000. He would have been 10 years old. His loss has me thinking about how mothers deal with the loss of a child be it through, death, or adoption, or the unrealized... more

One of the negative aspects of open adoption (again, this will work for all types of adoption) is that my whole family has lost a member of their extended biological family.

While I was pregnant, I mainly thought about what I was going to loose and the fact that I was going to loose the privilege of mothering one of my children. I didn’t give a whole lot (or any really) of thought to the fact that my family would be loosing a family member as well. It’s sometimes as if we have lost a person who should be sitting at our holiday dinner table.

My parents have lost the... more

One of the negative aspects of open adoption (again, this would apply to adoption in general from the birthparent’s point of view) that is really difficult for me personally is the things that I do not know about Charlie. . Granted because I have an open adoption there are so many things that I do know about Charlie, that other birthmothers who do not have open adoptions probably do not know about their birth children, but it’s the little things that I do not know that eat me up sometimes.

I know so much about Noah; so many things that only a mother knows about her own child.... more

Invisible >adjective - unable to be seen, either by nature or because concealed. treated as if unable to be seen; ignored.

Ok, so just how do I know anything about the birthfamily perspective, and how it feels to be invisible in the adoption scenario? Well, hang with me here, I can explain.

Sometime back I shared that not only am I am adoptive mom, but I am also a birthfamily member. Several (yes several) of my middle brother’s kids were all... more

One of the negatives of open adoption definitely has to be all the emotions that go along with it. While every birthmother deals with emotions and grief, sometimes the emotions of being a birthmother in an open adoption can be a little unique. As I have said before I think the word that really describes the experience of being a birthmother in an open adoption best is bittersweet.

Just like a birthmother in any other type of open adoption I have had to grieve my losses of mothering Charlie. It’s been rough. There have been many sleepless nights, many tears shed, and much heartache as a result... more

My Charlie was Harry Potter for Halloween. I haven’t seen a picture yet of him in costume, but I am dying too. I’m sure it will be too cute. I can only imagine how cute he must be in the little glasses and cape. I spoke to him and his Mom on the day before Halloween and he was going to be going to a near by church Harvest Festival on Halloween (in lieu of trick or treating) and was excited about that.

I have really been missing Charlie a lot more than I typically do lately. Of course, he’s s always on my mind and I am always thinking of him, but I’ve just been missing him... more

I think one of the negatives of open adoption (or well any adoption rather) is the moments that I as a birthmom and mom have missed. I try not to think about them constantly, as I’d probably be a pretty miserable person if I did, but believe me I aware of what I am missing and what I have missed. It’s in the back of my mind often when I am thinking back over my years as a birthmother.

There all the firsts that I missed, like his first smile, the first time he slept through the night, when he first started crawling, his first tooth, first word, first bite of baby food, first... more

One of the negatives of open adoption for me has to be hearing my son call his adoptive mother, “mom.” I didn’t really give this much thought while I was pregnant and making an adoption plan and it’s not typically something that the adoption agencies or other adoption professionals mention to expectant moms, so it’s one of those things that just hits some of us (ME!) later on when it finally happens. I was pretty unprepared for that first time that I heard Charlie call A “Mommy.” It was a heartbreaking moment and at first, I didn’t even realize what he’d said and who he had said it to. Then... more

Today was difficult...again.

My five year old has so much going on with her behavior that I am honestly not sure we will ever be able to help her heal. We do what we can, with the knowledge we have, but things just do not seem to be changing. This is one very hopeless feeling.

I worry on days like today, when she flies out of control, and I find myself losing all the amassed compassion from the previous short time between explosions, that she is already beyond my help. I hope that I am wrong, but her birthfamily members tell me... more