My co-blogger Deb just wrote an excellent series on independent adoptions and shared her personal journey of independent adoption.

My adoption was an independent adoption as well. I think there are both pros and cons for an expectant mom pursuing an independent adoption as well as a birthmom who has completed an independent adoption.

In an independent adoption, there is no... more

I have been thinking a lot lately about how it really feels to be an adoptive mother in an open adoption. I am currently party to three of them, so some days it can get quite intense.

Most days I feel happy. I am happy my kids are a part of my life and glad that I can help them stay connected to their roots. I like seeing the ways they resemble their birthfamily and ways they also take after myself or my husband.

Occasionally I feel sad. I feel sad that I did not carry and bring these children... more

My co-blogger Coley mentioned in several recent posts the heavy emotions for her behind the word Bittersweet as used to describe the open adoption experience. Bittersweet could also accurately cover the feeling behind some of my own open adoption relationships. The term is certainly filled with meaning.

While considering her posts, I remembered a documentary I purchased several years ago entitled, Bittersweet-Stories... more

At my house all the Christmas decorations are put away. Some of the many gifts from the day already broken.

Broken gifts. What do you do?

Well if they are the typical type you can stand in excruciatingly long lines at the retailer to hopefully return for pennies on the dollar of the original price that was paid. That is if you have a receipt. In either case expect a headache.

The fractured gifts I refer to however are not the mass-merchandiser variety. This year was a fresh disappointment for me because it was the first Christmas... more

I was so unprepared for the pain I would feel in my heart the first time I heard Charlie call A. “Mommy.” It was something I had not thought much about while I was making my adoption plan. It was not a good moment; heart wrenching is a better way to describe it. That heart breaking event played over and over in my head for days, weeks, months and now years later.

I still get queasy thinking about that first time I heard him call A. Mommy. At first, I didn’t even realize what he’d said and who he had said it to. Then after a minute, it hit me that he’d said... more

If you’ve been doing much reading about or by birthmothers, whether it is here in the blogs or in the forums, you have probably noticed the word bittersweet used a lot. I’d never really used or heard this word a lot until I became a birthmother,but it just seems to perfectly and adequately describe the up and down emotions involved with being a birthmom, especially a birthmom in an open adoption, like no other word in the English language. Sometimes I think... more

Lani (co-founder of BirthMom Buds and my best friend) and I were working on something and I thought I would share part of it with you all.

This is called “Remember When,” and it kind of takes you back in time to when you first found out you were pregnant, making an adoption plan, and relinquishing your child.

* Remember when you first found out you were pregnant, the shock you felt? The “what am I going to do now” thoughts that raced through your mind. * Remember when you had to tell others you were pregnant... more

Communication is an integral part of open adoptions. More than just that, communication is an integral part of any relationship. Without communication, relationships (and open adoption) would be nothing. To get anywhere in a relationship and to have a meaningful relationship (an open adoption) communication is a key factor!

Communication in open adoptions can be between birthmom and child or birthmom to adoptive parents. In the beginning, when your child is still an infant, communication lies between the birthmom and adoptive parents.

Sometimes... more

Occasionally in open adoptions, you may loose contact with the other party for some time. It could be that one party or both is just busy with life, school, children, careers, etc. Or it could be that one party is going through emotional stuff and just doesn’t pick up the phone like they used to. Or perhaps there has been a move or a phone number change that has caused this lapse in contact.

When something is emotional, it may be easier to not pick up the phone or shoot an email, than to have to make the conscious decision to face the emotions involved.... more

Part 1

Keep the lines of communication open. If you are uncomfortable with a conversation or visit, go back to the source. Talk to the other party about what could improve communication. Express concerns directly and graciously. Part ways with a clear plan for when, where and how the next contact will occur.

This is important. If something happens at a visit or something makes you uncomfortable while talking or you are... more