I think that baby showers are painful for birthmothers because they remind of us what we did not have and what we missed. Most of us who are now birthmothers did not have that celebratory baby shower that so many new mothers are thrown in the late months of pregnancy. It’s almost like the baby shower is a passage to motherhood and it’s one of those rites that we miss so going to baby showers can be difficult.

If you feel too emotional or not ready to attend a baby shower just yet, politely try to bow out. Most of the times friends and family will understand. Don’t... more

It seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or knows someone who is pregnant. For new birthmothers and even not so new birthmothers dealing with friends or family members who are pregnant, baby showers, and all the festivities that goes along with a happy pregnancy can be emotional.

For me personally, I want to be supportive and genuinely happy for friends that are pregnant but sometimes it is difficult, especially if the circumstances of their life are similar to what mine were during my pregnancy that resulted in making an adoption plan. I am... more

The downside to my recent visit with Charlie and his family for his Kindergarten graduation has been dealing with my emotions afterwards. It was bittersweet being able to attend his graduation ceremony. It was amazing spending time with him and seeing his personality come through more than I ever have before.

But at the same time leaving him was so hard. Usually I try to prepare myself ahead of time for the “goodbye.” I tend to try and think of it as “see... more

While I was away, my family and I took a trip to Mississippi for a family wedding. Mississippi is where I was born and where I grew up until we moved to South Carolina. I have fond memories of life in Mississippi and was very excited to go there as I hadn’t been in about five years.

Before I left, I wrote about the trip. I knew that there might be some awkward moments with distant relatives (like third cousins and great-great aunts.) I knew that they might not know about Charlie... more

I was working last night on the computer and didn’t feel like listening to the Television so I let the computer randomly play songs from our music library. Starts with Goodbye by Carrie Underwood came on. I’m sure I have probably heard this song before as I’ve listened to the CD multiple times, but it never struck me the way it did until today.

The song is actually about moving on and getting over an ex-boyfriend or husband, but as I listened to the lyrics, especially the chorus, I couldn’t... more

Last night I received a text message on my cell phone from a “newer” birthmom (meaning her child is less than a year old) asking me if I received post adoption counseling. I kind of dislike it when people ask me this question because I don’t want my situation to be used as an example when someone is trying to make the decision of whether or not they should seek out post adoption counseling.

My adoption was done independently through a private adoption counselor. It was mentioned to me once or twice that I could have counseling at any point pre or post placement should... more

One adoption related issue that I still struggle with is forgiveness. Not so much forgiveness of what others did or did not do, because I have been able to deal with those feelings and issues and have come to term with them. Forgiving other people wasn’t always easy but it is something that I have been able to work through. Where I struggle in terms of forgiveness though, is with forgiving myself.

What do I have to forgive myself for you might be wondering? Well, I deal with guilty feelings often about a variety of issues surrounding the adoption. I feel guilty... more

Today is Blue Monday, which is said to be the most depressing day of the most depressing week of the entire year. Blue Monday occurs on the Monday of the last full week of January. Depression is thought to be at its peak for many people during this time of year and sadly, the most suicides of the year occur on Blue Monday.

So, why is today thought to be the most depressing day of the whole year? According to a British researcher, it is a combination of post holiday blues, Seasonal... more

At times, I think the grief with open adoption can be a misunderstood grief. There are even times that I misunderstand it myself. It is definitely a unique type of grief.

As a birthmother participating in an open adoption, I’m very happy to be able to see Charlie and be a part of his life. I’m grateful that S and A are so willing to include me and make me such a big part of their family and Charlie’s life as I know that sadly, that is not the case for every birthmother and every adopted child may not be able to have that type of involvement. I enjoy my visits with Charlie... more

It certainly seems like such a long time has passed since my husband and I adopted our first child! We have come a long way from being that same young couple in need of honest adoption related information, and we have learned more than a few things about the realities of adoption.

More than once over the years I have found myself wishing that I could go back (the better informed me of today) and take the young me by the hand and tell her the brutal, honest truth. I would now have so much to say about the emotions, grief, loss inherent... more