I've been thinking long and hard about sharing some wise words from an adoptive mother about open adoptions here on the blog. All week, I've been trying to find the right words to share this post from Dawn over at This Woman's work. In her post, she really lays it on the line about some issues surrounding open adoption, adoptive parents and responsibility. I've wanted to share these words with our readers here because I feel that they are so vital to so many.

But I'm a birth mother.

It's fine for Dawn to be in-your-face about responsibility in adoption... more

I am so excited because today the phone company sent a fellow out to finally hook up some DSL service for our home. Yahooooooo!

With a daughter who might be starting virtual school soon, and a beleaguered mom who takes hours to download info and photos for this very blog, we finally decided to cave in, and get up to speed with the rest of the world. I have been living with the antiquated dial-up for so long, I almost forgotten there was another world out there, and a faster one at that. Being able to do things quicker, more efficiently... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

Every one of us has our difficult times with complex relationships, adoptive moms are certainly no different from anyone else in this respect. There are times when we all need to step back, re-group, and find a fresher perspective to help us get past the tough times that we might find ourselves mired down by. Many adoptive mothers could tell you, adoption definitely has tough times! If we just allow all the emotions of the situation to carry us away, it becomes harder and harder to stay focused and remember what it is that we value in our relationships.

In... more

Right now some people would probably term our middle child’s “open adoption” as officially closed, I however do not see it that way. We have closed nothing, and we remain continually open to all the possibilities of open adoption, just as we have from the first. Our own input into the relationship is all we ever had, and continue to have control over.

Our family made the commitment to our child’s birthfamily to remain assessable for them, and we remain available.... more

I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

While it is true that adoption can provide for the needs of many of the world’s abandoned children, and even offer an option for expectant mothers, who for a myriad of reasons might not be able to parent their child, it is certainly not a cure all. People also offer up openness as a solution for some of the many issues that come with adoption, but sadly even open adoption cannot address everything. Sometimes openness is an odd mixture that can benefit a child in some ways, as well as potentially set them up to repeat negative birthfamily... more

It is a dreary, disgusting day outside, which fairly captures my mood on the inside as well. I just put my four year old down for a nap after having a conversation I never felt we would ever need to have. I had done everything in my power to avoid such a situation, practicing the ideals of openness in adoption to the best of my ability, but the decision was pretty much taken out of my hands. I had to try to explain to my daughter that as of this moment we no longer know the state of her open adoption and can’t say for sure whether or not birth relatives... more

In the decades of closed adoptions, adoptive parents could choose to put the emotional details of adoption aside to come back and deal with at some future time, perhaps when their child became an adult and wanted to connect to birthfamily. Of course we have also learned with time that the system and process of closed adoptions is one that did not work well for most people involved. Many people were not told details and as a result had many questions which their adoptive families also had no clear answers for.

In the open adoptions of... more

If you have not figured this out by now, open adoption is not walk in the park, almost nothing about adoption is. When I think of the positives, they are a ton of work to get to, but it IS worth the effort. Hopefully by working hard to get there together our children will be the best they can be. Even when birthfamily and adoptive family are active and involved there are times that when conflict and our emotions get the better of us. For myself there have been many things recently... more