Today my oldest daughter Danika received a thank you note in the mail. The note was about a gift she recently sent to her niece for her first birthday. Yup my girl is not quite ten and already an aunt. Danika’s biological older sister A had a baby girl last February. We have seen the baby a few times, she is a little cutie. She looks something like my daughter did at that age, only chunkier. It is a bit of a worry some situation to me. While I have seen no evidence that this teen mom is not doing a good job, with a little more direction from her... more

Tonight my son’s birthmother P called to let us know how she is doing. Recently she moved to another state with the new man in her life and together they are anxiously awaiting the birth of their baby due in May. It was good to hear that though she is feeling tired, she is doing well. I also learned that she is expecting a baby BOY. So Carson will soon have a little brother! We are pretty excited here. I just wish we were not now so far apart.

Part of the difficulty in having an open adoption is when people... more

I received a topic request from a prospective adoptive mom.

”We are currently matched with an expectant mother. If she does follow through with placement, what is a good gift idea that I could bring to her in the hospital? I was thinking flowers would be nice to bring to her in the hospital, but wanted something more than just flowers.”

This is a good question, but before I dive in with suggestions, I must just remind adoptive parents that while gifts are nice and appreciated, they are not an obligation. No gift can compensate for the... more

Is that even possible? I know we spend a ton of time reminding people (and rightly so) that most birthparents really DO care about the child they placed, even when they cannot bring themselves to visit or stay in contact. This “staying away” comes out of the pain and renewal of their grief every time they have to again leave a visit, and without their child. This is something most adoptive parents truly have understanding and empathy for. Everyday I talk to someone who sends letters and pictures out... more

Today was so wonderfully quiet here. After our family returned from church and enjoyed lunch(umm tacos) everyone took a big, long, lazy, NAP. In light of all the emotional things that have been going on with the kid’s birth families lately, a nap was just what this old lady needed

I know that I have been rambling in my first few posts of the month about a recent falling out with my daughter's birth great grandmother. Those kind of things can really leave you... more

In my last set of posts I talked about a recent phone conversation with my daughter’s biological great grandma. It was not a good one unfortunately. Others have also made some interesting posts about the fears in adoption and where the control lies in such a relationship,... more

Continuted

About a year ago our daughter’s birthmother was released, returned home and appeared to all of us to be getting her life back together. Soon she found herself pregnant. We spoke of what she wanted at that time, and she wanted to try to raise her baby. We let her know we supported her. We sent her clothing, toys, a baby bed, along with as much verbal and moral support as we could offer to let her know she was capable if she worked hard... more

The call I made Wednesday was a causal one, “How are your doing? Is everyone ok?” but the outcome was a total mess I did not anticipate. Now with a day or so to calm down, step back and evaluate, I see I have encountered a situation in open adoption that can easily result when some parties have unresolved issues and are also facing new, but similar to the past challenges. My current “problem” also relates to what can go wrong when birth families go on to parent other children, as in how it effects the relationship with the adoptive family.

The... more

Right around the holidays last year I had a relative ask me a crazy birthparent related question, “Doesn’t seeing THEM cause a problem?” I do not know what surprised me more, that she asked a question obviously showing she buys into the myth that open adoption equals a big problem, OR that she is also a grandmother of two adopted kids (and should there by be better educated right?). I believe I let her know that seeing our children’s birthfamilies “does not cause us any problem, did it cause her one?”

It’s amazing... more

Ok, I am being a little goofy, but my daughter (who loves Deal Or No Deal) suggested this and I thought, hummmm it makes a bit of sense.

The lights come up and 26 lovely ladies waltz down a flight of stairs each with a separate reason for you to consider inside their little silver case (can we skip the bald guy, because frankly he just bothers me). You chose your case and begin to narrow down your options. So... do you Adopt or No Adopt?

This does sound like a silly scenario at first until you consider what those beginning the process... more