Entering into an open adoption can be a complicated endeavor. Even for parents who have prepared themselves in every way available, it can still fall short of what may be needed. Reading books, talking to others who adopted, meeting with counselors, selecting an ethical agency or facilitator, nothing can truly prepare you for the challenges that may lie ahead. Every adoption situation is as unique as the people involved. Every situation changes over time, as well as the feelings of all parties.

Part of what adoptive parents will learn... more

Just because adoptive parents have committed to an open adoption relationship does not mean that they are also agreeing to a shared parenting experience with birthfamily. Most parents who adopt do so out of a great desire to fully parent children and there is nothing wrong with the wish to do that. Part of the loss that birthparents will go through in adoption involves the loss of authority to make daily and long term parental decisions for their birth child. This is a difficult loss, but that is part of the importance of placing parents fully understanding... more

As with any relationship an open adoption is bound to have a few bumps in the road at some point. Finding support and resources to help you and the others involved work out any conflict can be more challenging in some situations than in others.

If you worked with an adoption agency post placement services may be available to both birth and adoptive families or perhaps even joint counseling through the agency. If you adopted or placed privately and independent of an adoption agency you might find yourself looking on your own for a counselor/counselors... more

It is a dreary, disgusting day outside, which fairly captures my mood on the inside as well. I just put my four year old down for a nap after having a conversation I never felt we would ever need to have. I had done everything in my power to avoid such a situation, practicing the ideals of openness in adoption to the best of my ability, but the decision was pretty much taken out of my hands. I had to try to explain to my daughter that as of this moment we no longer know the state of her open adoption and can’t say for sure whether or not birth relatives... more

Easter is one of the most monumental times of the year for believers. Because of the emptiness of a long ago burial tomb our lives can hold hope for a full and forever future. The greatest gift ever was in the form of an “empty” Easter morning.

Our family celebrates like many others. We went to church, followed by the egg hunts both there and at the home of grandparents, but through out the day I found myself falling into a different kind of empty feeling. Looking at my children I could not help but think of what their birthfamilies have... more

A recent post by Coley mentions an email from a birthmother struggling with how to process the diagnosis of her daughter’s adoptive mother with cancer. Coley offers some great tips on dealing with this shock and also how to support the family as they go through such a difficult time. Of course prayer is a positive and reminds those who are experiencing this that there is always HOPE for recovery.

Adoptive families in open relationships can be affected... more

Last week, I wrote a few posts about dealing with different issues that may come up over the years in adoption situations. I received an email about an issue that I did not think about.

“My daughter’s adoptive mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. This has been hard on me, their family, and of course my daughter. I’d love it if you could suggest some ideas on ways to support my daughter and her family through this time. Our adoption is pretty open”

Cancer is a terrible disease that attacks just about anyone. Just hearing... more

Everyone who adopts hopes that their family and friends will be positive and supportive but unfortunately that is not always what ends up happening. There are all too often people around us who have little or limited understanding of adoption and it’s unique challenges and they always seem to be very vocal about it to the new parents.

In my own personal experience some of the comments from perhaps (ok giving the benefit of the doubt here) well meaning but not especially well informed people have included the following and ok the blurps that follow... more

While talking to our kids about their adoption experience can be a time to connect and discover how their little minds are processing things, there can also be some tough stuff in adoption we will need to explain as well.

Explaining some difficult things that perhaps led up to an adoptive placement is one example. Knowing how to speak to your child about situations that were at play in their birthparent’s life that precipitated an adoption is hard and needs to be addressed with care for how the explanations will effect the child’s self esteem.... more

In the decades of closed adoptions, adoptive parents could choose to put the emotional details of adoption aside to come back and deal with at some future time, perhaps when their child became an adult and wanted to connect to birthfamily. Of course we have also learned with time that the system and process of closed adoptions is one that did not work well for most people involved. Many people were not told details and as a result had many questions which their adoptive families also had no clear answers for.

In the open adoptions of... more