My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

Every one of us has our difficult times with complex relationships, adoptive moms are certainly no different from anyone else in this respect. There are times when we all need to step back, re-group, and find a fresher perspective to help us get past the tough times that we might find ourselves mired down by. Many adoptive mothers could tell you, adoption definitely has tough times! If we just allow all the emotions of the situation to carry us away, it becomes harder and harder to stay focused and remember what it is that we value in our relationships.

In... more

Right now some people would probably term our middle child’s “open adoption” as officially closed, I however do not see it that way. We have closed nothing, and we remain continually open to all the possibilities of open adoption, just as we have from the first. Our own input into the relationship is all we ever had, and continue to have control over.

Our family made the commitment to our child’s birthfamily to remain assessable for them, and we remain available.... more

Recently the talk has been about whether or not open adoption, and ongoing contact with birthfamily equates to the same level of commitment as does a marriage. To many this would appear to be a controversial concept. Although commitment is commitment in some minds, are open adoption and marriage really the same?

A marriage is a relationship formed out of mutual love between two parties. A man and a woman fall in love and legally express that commitment... more

In the last two weeks we have had a lot going on, and if you were around my kids today you would have seen them crashing with the after effects. Today was our first “calm” day at home after almost 10 days of vacationing in various locations. There was a ton of fighting, screaming, and other discipline issues beyond the norm for all three of them. I know this is most likely a release from all the changes in the last two weeks, but it has been exhausting.

I think for all children change is a scary thing, but for adopted kids that fear... more

I was reading a recent article out of out of an Oklahoma City newspaper about the cost of adoption. Often times it is adoptive parents that we hear discussing and complaining (and rightly so!) about the cost of adoption, but it also a troubling issue for me and possibly other birth parents as well for a few different reasons.

First of all, on the emotional side of this issue, the cost of adoption and all the discussion that goes along with it can sometimes make me feel like I “sold my baby.” Of course,... more

One thing I have learned during my short time as a writer of open adoption bloggery is that when you think you have expressed something really good, people may not agree, they might not even be reading. On the other hand, when you think you pumped something out that might be lacking in interesting adoption matter, you... more

Most of the adoptive parents I have met in person are not what I would call, on the open adoption bandwagon. When I have brought up my own arrangements with my children’s birthfamilies, I am mostly met with shock or blank stares. The looks I get tell me that perhaps no one has ever fully explained the possibility of a really open adoption to them. No one has educated them to believe that they could consider it for their own situations.

I would say some of the fault here might rest with the agency that they adopted with. Not enough thought... more

I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

Sometimes in open adoptions, you may loose contact or have a lapse in contact with the other party. Perhaps you used to talk every few weeks and it’s been way more than a few weeks since you last talked.

A lapse in contact could occur for different reasons. It could simply be because life gets hectic. Families, careers, school, etc. can sometimes get in the way of even the best of intentions. Possibly it could be that the others involved are going through an emotional time and just hasn’t found the strength to pick up the phone and call as they used... more