Lately there have been several conversations online talking about some morbid stuff. The question of what happens to the children of open adoption, if something happens to adoptive parents, as in, gulp... death. It is an important question to be sure. Some of those concerned were also birthparents, worried about how their connections with their child would be preserved in the event of the adoptive parents passing, also a valid concern.

Of course this is something that my husband and I have also talked about, although not enough. Unfortunately we have yet to put any... more

My daughter’s first birthday is coming up next month. Because of distance, our daughter’s birthmother will not be able to spend her birthday with us. I imagine (but don’t know for sure since I am not a birthmother) that this is going to be a very hard for day for her, so I’d like to do something special for her or send her a gift but I am at a loss as to what I should do or send. Do you have any suggestions?

First of all, you are right; children’s birthdays are one of the hardest days of the year a lot of birthmothers and while a gift can not... more

Below is a recent reader question.

“My (birth) daughter’s Christening is this weekend. I’ve been invited by her adoptive family and will be attending but I am a little nervous. There are going to be a lot of people there, around 80! Any advice for me? This is only the second time I will have seen my daughter since she left the hospital with her adoptive family.”

First of all, know that being a tad nervous and anxious is ok and perfectly normal. Six years later, I still get nervous butterflies before visits occasionally, especially if it is... more

Today I was very relieved to get an email from my son’s birthmother P. While I know she is busy, she recently moved to another state, and she welcomed her baby boy M in May, I was beginning to get worried after not hearing from her in awhile. Trust me talking to her answering machine was becoming very disturbing, because I was beginning to feel an emotional connection with the electronic robo voice that files her messages away. Ok, it was not that bad, and I am not that strange, but I was wondering if everyone was still onboard with this open adoption gig.

I know our contact... more

Of course whenever a family begins the adoption process, they consider many things involved, and make decisions according to what they understand to be appropriate for their family. One of those considerations is the level of contact or openness they will choose to have with the birthfamily of their future child. While there is no right or wrong, every family makes a uniquely personal decision, openness as an option is often sadly downplayed, as a way to ease the fears adopting couples may have.

Some families may not know much about open adoption, and because of this they... more

Sometimes in relationships there are hurdles or obstacles that are thrown our way. These hurdles can strain a relationship at times, but typically with good communication, respect for each other, and patience these hurdles can be overcome.

There has been an ongoing hurdle in our open adoption relationship since January. I’ve only shared this hurdle with a few people. I haven’t spoken of it publicly (or had permission to) until now.

During the first week of January, I received a phone call from A (Charlie’s adoptive Mom). She was calling to tell me that she and S (Charlie’s... more

Many who are involved in the world of adoption feel openness is one of the best ways to see the placed child feel secure in their adoptive home, minimize feelings of loss, and feel valued and important to their family of origin.

If the birth and adoptive families are willing to come together and work hard to develop a relationship, it certainly could benefit the child in those ways and many others. The most important aspect is how well everyone really can work together to make this happen. If either family decides, for whatever reason, not to give open adoption their best... more

As parents it’s your job to make sure that you child feels safe and loved in their environment. People who pursue open adoption want that feeling of comfort and love to be provided by not just themselves, but the birthfamily of their child as well. That is why most of us choose openness and pursue contact. We want our kids to benefit from the positives that are possible.

Some people tend to feel however, that even if a child has uncomfortable feelings about a person in their birthfamily, you should just forge forward with that relationship regardless.... more

In my last post, I shared the story of another birthmother, Jamie and how Jamie’s adoption agreement with her daughter’s family has gone from semi open to fully open. I learned a few things in my talk with Jamie that could be of help to other families who are currently in semi open situations but hoping to increase the agreement to something more open.

1. As always be honest with everyone involved. Birth families and adoptive parents should truthfully share why they might be hesitant towards... more

Sometimes adoptions can may not start off very open but as the adults involved get to know one another better and develop a sense of trust in one another, they may begin to open up the adoption more.

This is what happened with fellow birthmother, Jamie. Jamie placed her daughter, L., in what originally started out as a semi open adoption. Jamie did choose and meet the adoptive parents of her daughter but they did not share any identifying contact with one another. Originally pictures and packages would go through the adoption agency and Jamie and her daughter’s... more