I received the following question from a reader who is an adoptive mom.

My son’s birthmom and her new husband are expecting a baby boy soon. I have saved a lot of the clothes my son wore as an infant. Do you think it would be ok to pass along some of these clothes to her? I don’t want to imply that she can’t afford to buy her baby clothes but these clothes are in excellent condition and I thought she might like to have them.

Let me start by reminding you that each birthmother is different. I can only explain how I would feel in this... more

In my last post, I wrote about when as a birthparent there are times that you just have to pick up that phone, call up your child’s adoptive parent, and share news that probably isn’t the best. In that post, I was discussing sharing news when there is a medical issue but there are times you may have to share other news that isn’t so great like a death in the family. I get flustered, nervous, and never know exactly what to say or how to do it when I have bad news to share, so I came up with a few tips... more

In a recent post, my co-blogger Deb, wrote about receiving news that a child’s biological cousin could possibly have a genetic condition and her child could be at risk for the same condition struck a chord with me. In her post, one of the points she makes that one of the benefits of open adoption is that you have first hand access to medical information and I couldn’t agree with her more.

As a birthmother actively participating in an open adoption, I feel that one of my obligations to Charlie is... more

I am so excited because today the phone company sent a fellow out to finally hook up some DSL service for our home. Yahooooooo!

With a daughter who might be starting virtual school soon, and a beleaguered mom who takes hours to download info and photos for this very blog, we finally decided to cave in, and get up to speed with the rest of the world. I have been living with the antiquated dial-up for so long, I almost forgotten there was another world out there, and a faster one at that. Being able to do things quicker, more efficiently... more

Another negative aspect of open adoption (again, this could work for any adoption situation) is the “what if” factor.

I kind of blindly placed Charlie, I didn’t research my options much, I didn’t really look into parenting. I just thought that I would never be able to successfully parent two children as a single mother and that Noah’s special needs would make parenting two children much harder. I also really wanted my baby to have a stable home with a mother and a father, neither of which I could provide at that moment in time. I also had financial concerns to worry about... more

I recently received this question from another birthmother.

“I moved and lost contact with my child’s adoptive parents. I didn’t write or call them and they don't have my new address, phone number, or email address. I just needed some space but I guess I went about it the wrong way. I really miss them and would like to re-connect. I still have all of their contact information, unless it has changed and I don’t know it.

I want to call, email, or write a letter but am scared. Do you have any advice?”

First of all, try not to be too hard... more

My co blogger, Deb, recently wrote a great post from the adoptive parents’ point of view on what would happen to her children’s relationships with their birthparents should something happen to Deb and her husband before the children are grown.

This is something that I have thought about as a birthparent as well. A and I have discussed this before. In fact, she has brought it up more than once over the years. It is not something that was discussed before Charlie was born though and... more

Lately there have been several conversations online talking about some morbid stuff. The question of what happens to the children of open adoption, if something happens to adoptive parents, as in, gulp... death. It is an important question to be sure. Some of those concerned were also birthparents, worried about how their connections with their child would be preserved in the event of the adoptive parents passing, also a valid concern.

Of course this is something that my husband and I have also talked about, although not enough. Unfortunately we have yet to put any... more

My daughter’s first birthday is coming up next month. Because of distance, our daughter’s birthmother will not be able to spend her birthday with us. I imagine (but don’t know for sure since I am not a birthmother) that this is going to be a very hard for day for her, so I’d like to do something special for her or send her a gift but I am at a loss as to what I should do or send. Do you have any suggestions?

First of all, you are right; children’s birthdays are one of the hardest days of the year a lot of birthmothers and while a gift can not... more

Below is a recent reader question.

“My (birth) daughter’s Christening is this weekend. I’ve been invited by her adoptive family and will be attending but I am a little nervous. There are going to be a lot of people there, around 80! Any advice for me? This is only the second time I will have seen my daughter since she left the hospital with her adoptive family.”

First of all, know that being a tad nervous and anxious is ok and perfectly normal. Six years later, I still get nervous butterflies before visits occasionally, especially if it is... more