Let’s face it – we live in a society that loves to talk. We love gossip and typical water cooler discussions often consist of talk about Angelina’s adoptions or speculate over who is the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. We all have comments and opinions on the lives of others.

It’s not that much different on a smaller scale. As people begin to learn of your status as a birthmother and your participation in an open adoption, you are going to get comments and opinions. Some of these comments and opinions can be annoying and downright rude.

For the... more

Well the most basic conclusion that could be drawn from the heading is that Yes, adoption means JOY for adopting parents and that is most of what I too hear from other members of the triad. As an adoptive parent I must only know complete joy about adoption, after all I am a parent because of adoption, therefore adoption=joy for me. That is what I too believed, before I actually... more

Just because adoptive parents have committed to an open adoption relationship does not mean that they are also agreeing to a shared parenting experience with birthfamily. Most parents who adopt do so out of a great desire to fully parent children and there is nothing wrong with the wish to do that. Part of the loss that birthparents will go through in adoption involves the loss of authority to make daily and long term parental decisions for their birth child. This is a difficult loss, but that is part of the importance of placing parents fully understanding... more

In my last post, I wrote about the stereotypical myth that open adoption may be easier for birthmothers, but on the flip side, is open adoption harder for birthmothers??

A dear friend who is a birthmother from the closed adoption era often states that she thinks open adoption would be so hard on a birthmother, harder than a closed adoption. If she had been given the opportunity to choose the type of adoption she would have, she’s pretty sure she would not have... more

Deb’s recent post about open adoption being easier for adoptive parents got me thinking about the myth that I believe some may have about open adoption being easier for birthmothers as well.

I often wonder about that. I don’t know closed adoption. I only know open adoption. It’s all I have experienced and it’s all I know at this time in my life. I know that not being able to see my child would be heartbreaking but sometimes seeing my child can be heartbreaking.... more

Right around the holidays last year I had a relative ask me a crazy birthparent related question, “Doesn’t seeing THEM cause a problem?” I do not know what surprised me more, that she asked a question obviously showing she buys into the myth that open adoption equals a big problem, OR that she is also a grandmother of two adopted kids (and should there by be better educated right?). I believe I let her know that seeing our children’s birthfamilies “does not cause us any problem, did it cause her one?”

It’s amazing... more

As adoptive parents one of the most important things we can do for our children is to understand and acknowledge the birth “bond.” This can also be one of the most difficult things to do as the whole concept hits us in our most sensitive area, our own loss. Having a child by way of adoption, though joyful and fulfilling our need to nurture and become parents, can also remind us of our loss, the loss of the birth bond with our child.

What is the bond? Perhaps many do not even understand the difference between the “bond” of birth and the “attachment”... more

Jan recently did a wonderful blog about being PC, or politically correct, when writing in the adoption world. She definitely has a valid point. Persons from all sides of the adoption experience have sensitive, or flag words and phrases that can feel down right wrong, judgmental or offensive to them when reading adoption related writing. I really enjoyed Jan’s tips very much and found them to be helpful advice to those of us who are writing to a varied, adoption experienced... more

Continued from Part 1 I went in search of the experts opinions on the benefits of open adoption and found some interesting information. Before I begin explaining why some of the experts favor open adoption, let’s define what the experts see as the goals of open adoptions.

To minimize the child's loss of relationships To maintain and celebrate the adopted child's connections with all the important people... more

Part One

After finding out the hard way that not everyone shares a new adoptive mother’s enthusiasm about her route to parenthood, I began to share less and less. At the very least I began to scrutinize a person before I shared. I had to feel them out to gage whether their response would be good or not so good.

I had to wonder if that is part of why closed adoptions were so popular years ago. Sharing sort of sets’ you up. A lot of people... more