While I was away, my family and I took a trip to Mississippi for a family wedding. Mississippi is where I was born and where I grew up until we moved to South Carolina. I have fond memories of life in Mississippi and was very excited to go there as I hadn’t been in about five years.

Before I left, I wrote about the trip. I knew that there might be some awkward moments with distant relatives (like third cousins and great-great aunts.) I knew that they might not know about Charlie... more

I was working last night on the computer and didn’t feel like listening to the Television so I let the computer randomly play songs from our music library. Starts with Goodbye by Carrie Underwood came on. I’m sure I have probably heard this song before as I’ve listened to the CD multiple times, but it never struck me the way it did until today.

The song is actually about moving on and getting over an ex-boyfriend or husband, but as I listened to the lyrics, especially the chorus, I couldn’t... more

Last night I received a text message on my cell phone from a “newer” birthmom (meaning her child is less than a year old) asking me if I received post adoption counseling. I kind of dislike it when people ask me this question because I don’t want my situation to be used as an example when someone is trying to make the decision of whether or not they should seek out post adoption counseling.

My adoption was done independently through a private adoption counselor. It was mentioned to me once or twice that I could have counseling at any point pre or post placement should... more

One of the negative aspects of open adoption (again, this will work for all types of adoption) is that my whole family has lost a member of their extended biological family.

While I was pregnant, I mainly thought about what I was going to loose and the fact that I was going to loose the privilege of mothering one of my children. I didn’t give a whole lot (or any really) of thought to the fact that my family would be loosing a family member as well. It’s sometimes as if we have lost a person who should be sitting at our holiday dinner table.

My parents have lost the... more

One of the negative aspects of open adoption (again, this would apply to adoption in general from the birthparent’s point of view) that is really difficult for me personally is the things that I do not know about Charlie. . Granted because I have an open adoption there are so many things that I do know about Charlie, that other birthmothers who do not have open adoptions probably do not know about their birth children, but it’s the little things that I do not know that eat me up sometimes.

I know so much about Noah; so many things that only a mother knows about her own child.... more

One of the negatives of open adoption definitely has to be all the emotions that go along with it. While every birthmother deals with emotions and grief, sometimes the emotions of being a birthmother in an open adoption can be a little unique. As I have said before I think the word that really describes the experience of being a birthmother in an open adoption best is bittersweet.

Just like a birthmother in any other type of open adoption I have had to grieve my losses of mothering Charlie. It’s been rough. There have been many sleepless nights, many tears shed, and much heartache as a result... more

My Charlie was Harry Potter for Halloween. I haven’t seen a picture yet of him in costume, but I am dying too. I’m sure it will be too cute. I can only imagine how cute he must be in the little glasses and cape. I spoke to him and his Mom on the day before Halloween and he was going to be going to a near by church Harvest Festival on Halloween (in lieu of trick or treating) and was excited about that.

I have really been missing Charlie a lot more than I typically do lately. Of course, he’s s always on my mind and I am always thinking of him, but I’ve just been missing him... more

I think one of the negatives of open adoption (or well any adoption rather) is the moments that I as a birthmom and mom have missed. I try not to think about them constantly, as I’d probably be a pretty miserable person if I did, but believe me I aware of what I am missing and what I have missed. It’s in the back of my mind often when I am thinking back over my years as a birthmother.

There all the firsts that I missed, like his first smile, the first time he slept through the night, when he first started crawling, his first tooth, first word, first bite of baby food, first... more