Visits with my son are bittersweet. While I love the time I get to spend with him, I always dread having to say goodbye and leave him or have him leave me or us leaving each other if we are in a neutral location, whatever the case maybe.

Recently I was having a discussion with some other birthmothers and we were discussing “saying goodbye” versus saying “see you later.” It may seem like something small and just a play on words but for me personally changing my mentality and seeing our separating at visits as more of a “see you later” than an actual goodbye has been helpful... more

Currently I am still under the weather, and my husband has had to step up to handle some of the logistics of a birthfamily visit yesterday. Usually the responsibility for making arrangements and carrying out contact rests squarely on my shoulders, but with the holiday frenzy, and my feeling very, very yucky, I had to pass the baton. Last evening he took our oldest daughter to attend an anniversary dinner for her birth grandparents at a local restaurant. I am sure things went well, our daughter had a good time, I just hope dad did not fall asleep (yes he has been known to do... more

In my last post, I shared about how I have been missing Charlie more so than usual lately. I’m not a patient person and the wait time in between visits can sometimes seem like forever. So, what should you do when that wait time seems like ions?

I’m sure each birthmother is different as to what helps her cope in between visits but here’s what I do to try and get through that time: 1. I initiate more contact in other ways such as phone or mail. As of lately, I have been sending Charlie more cards than I... more

One on my readers IRIE recently asked me how to go about embracing birthfamily who want more contact. It seems she is also struggling with her own feelings concerning birthfamily members, who want to be super involved with her child. There were certain levels of contact IRIE reported not feeling so comfortable with, at this point anyway, but the fact she is seeking input to work through her feelings shows that potentially, when her child may be ready, she might also be open to such contact.

It... more

Visits themselves are bittersweet. I love spending time with Charlie and his family, but I hate saying goodbye and dread that part before even going to the visit. I usually feel a little down and have a case of the post visit blues after a visit. You may experience this as well, but don’t worry, I have some ideas on how to cope!

When you get home, journal about your visit. Write down where you went, who all was with you, what you did, what your favorite part of the visit was, your thoughts and feelings, and any other pertinent details. Do this... more

Do you get nervous, butterflies in your tummy when it’s almost time for a visit? Is your child still a baby and you are just starting visits? In the beginning during those first few visits, I would be so nervous before and during the visits. I was quite unsure of myself and my role in Charlie’s life. We (his adoptive parents and I) were still feeling each other out and feeling our way along in our open adoption.

I was a big ole’ worry wart! I’m sure some of you can identify. (At least I hope I’m not the only worry wart out there.) I worried if I’d say... more