Recently I was having a conversation with an adult adoptee, E. We were discussing the fact that some people can not see to grasp the fact that a child (grown or not) can love more than one mother or father. She was explaining to me how many of her extended family members were shocked when she began to search for her birth mother. They didn’t understand that it is possible for her to love both her birthmother and her adoptive mother. She wondered aloud if her adoption had been open (instead of closed as that was the era she was born in) if her extended family would have been... more

I have recently (as in last week) been diagnosed with a serious eye condition that will probably eventually require me to have a cornea transplant in my left eye.

Although no one in my family has this condition (at least that my parents and I are aware of) it can often be genetic. Therefore, as a birthmom in an open adoption it’s my responsibility to call A and let her know about this new diagnosis so she can have Charlie checked for it. While it’s not life threatening and treatment as a child is actually less invasive than treatment as an adult, it is still a phone... more

I have a friend and reader who is also a birthmother who is going through something at the moment and I thought I’d bring this situation to the masses to possibly get some feedback from all of you reading.

Let me present you with the situation first…

M, is a birthmother who placed her son in an open adoption directly following his birth. He is now four years old. She has a pretty good friendship/relationship with his adoptive mother. She (M, the birthmother) is now pregnant with a baby girl that she will be parenting. As she nears her due date, she has... more

In my last post, I wrote about how there can be an initial change in the closeness between the adoptive mother and birthmother once the baby is born. Writing that post got me thinking in general about the friendship between adoptive mothers and birthmothers.

It is pretty common nowadays for adoptive mothers and birthmothers to be friends or be friendly with one another at the very least. This is very different from birthmothers and adoptive mothers of previous generations as they didn’t... more

Many times during pregnancy, the expectant mother may become close to the adoptive parents, usually the adoptive mother especially. While I think that bonding between these two mothers is great and could lead to a more positive open adoption experience later on down the road, it can also be a bit troubling at first post adoption.

I know many birthmothers who have become very close to their child’s adoptive mother during the pregnancy, but once the baby is born the level of closeness changes. They may have been chatting on the phone daily, emailing back and forth through... more

Although we do have, for the most part, open adoptions with any number of birthfamily members, two of our children have biological fathers who are not involved, and we are not in contact with. One child’s birthfather is even an adoptee in a closed adoption himself. The sad thing is that both these birthdads do not have contact because they do not choose to be involved, not because we have really restricted them from participating. Not being able to see or know them however, has had very little to do with how our children think and wonder about them. The kids talk about their... more

One unexpected predicament that some birthmothers and adoptive parents may have to face initially after relinquishment is a change in the relationship between them. It’s almost a shift, so to speak and it happened in our relationship.

During my pregnancy I became very close to S, A, and N, but I was closest to A. I really wanted to get to know the family well before Charlie was born as I thought it might make things less awkward later down road. A went to doctor’s appointments with me, we talked on the phone at least daily, and probably saw each other at least... more

Last evening I was happy to get a return phone call from my son’s birthmom. We have all been anxiously watching the news here, and wondering about her extended family, who are in Nairobi, Kenya amidst all the current political turmoil there. Right now this is a very unsafe place to be, and the full accounts of what horror is going there on have not even made it into main stream media yet.

During Kenya’s recent December elections, a dispute occurred about who the actual winner turned out to be, and some fairly intense ethnic clashes have been going on.... more

With Thanksgiving pending, I have been going over all that I have to be thankful for here, and I am truly fortunate it is really a long list. One of the little things is that thankfully I won’t be cooking the turkey dinner tomorrow (a relief to all who know me), but there are also many, more important things I consider at this time every year.

I am thankful for a caring, supportive husband who works hard to provide for us all. Without him I would have never known that healing from the chaos that was my childhood was possible. I am immensely thankful for... more

I have been reading online about the experiences of some birthparents in open adoptions, who have come to find out over time, that perhaps they really don't like their kid’s adoptive parents very much. I wonder at times if I, like those adoptive parents in question, am susceptible to some very high, unknown, and unattainable standards myself.

I will be the first to admit that it scares the pants off me. I always come away from reading something like that from a birthparent, however justified in their personal situation, and wonder if my own children’s birthparents think... more