So, what can you do with your child at visits??

Your options are endless! Although a lot of what you can do is going to depend on your child’s age.

Basically you have two choices or even a combination of the two choices. You can go somewhere and do some sort of activity or you can stay at one of your homes and just hang out there. There are positive and negatives to both suggestions.

Staying in gives you the opportunity to have some quality time with your child without all the distractions you might have out and about. It gives you... more

Visits with your birthchild are typically one of the highlights for a birthmother participating in an open adoption that includes visits. They give her an opportunity to bond with her child and spend time with the adoptive parents as well.

But, visits don’t just magically happen. They require a little work of both the birthparent(s) and the adoptive parent(s).

Some things to think about prior to a visit are and when planning a visit are listed below.

Scheduling ~ For most people spontaneous visits are not going to work. Jobs, family,... more

The term open adoption is a broad one and sometimes assume that because you are reading this blog that your open adoption may include visits and I realize that all open adoptions may not include frequent visits at this point and time. However, the next few posts will be for those of you who do have visits as I began a short series on visits.

Some of you may be wondering why visits are important and why they can be beneficial to involved. A lot of the reasons that I feel visits are important are also reasons listed as why open adoption itself... more

There are many, differing views on adoption, that is one of the few statements there could be little disagreement about. Birthparents see the issues inherent to adoption with their own unique perspective, adoptive parents often see many of the same issues very differently. When adoptees are grown and able to reflect on their own experience, the reactions also run the gamut.

One of the biggest problems in the adoption community, is the desire many seem to have to project their personal perspective and opinion onto others. It’s hard not to do with... more

Lately, I’ve heard adoption picnics mentioned by several different birthmothers. Apparently more adoption agencies are beginning to host adoption picnics.

If you have never heard of an adoption picnic before, let me explain. Adoption picnics are hosted by various adoption agencies for the people who successfully completed adoptions through their agency. The picnics are for birthmothers, adoptive parents, and the child. It’s a fun way for them to get together and spend time with one another. I’m sure it’s also fun for the people at the agency who get to see... more

Although my son was not born in another country, he is of another race and culture than my husband and I. Our son is Kenyan/American, his birthparents both traveled here from Kenya, and so seeing them in our open adoption relationship bears some additional challenges for us as parents. One of the most notable of these challenges is language.

We have recently begun to consider the other languages that our son’s birthparents are familiar with. They each speak four different ones, Swahili being most... more

Entering into an open adoption can be a complicated endeavor. Even for parents who have prepared themselves in every way available, it can still fall short of what may be needed. Reading books, talking to others who adopted, meeting with counselors, selecting an ethical agency or facilitator, nothing can truly prepare you for the challenges that may lie ahead. Every adoption situation is as unique as the people involved. Every situation changes over time, as well as the feelings of all parties.

Part of what adoptive parents will learn... more

Open adoptions are relationships and just like any other type of relationship they require work from all involved. Everyone must work together and communicate in order to have a healthy open adoption relationship.

In the beginning of most open adoption relationships, the child is too young to communicate so the communication is between the birthparents and the adoptive parents, so these tips were written with that in mind.

Be honest. If something the other person does or says makes you uncomfortable, politely say so. If you are having... more

Writing a post adoption contact agreement once you have come to an agreement regarding ongoing contact is a good idea and is highly recommended.

What is a post adoption contact agreement? A post adoption contact agreement is a written agreement outlining ongoing contact between the adoptive parents, birthparents, and child in an open adoption situation. Detailed and child centered, post adoption contact agreements outline the future exchange of visits, phone calls, pictures, emails, etc. and include the frequency.

What... more

In open adoptions, there is ongoing contact between the birthparent(s), adoptive parent(s), and adoptee. It is important that adoptive parents and expectant mothers who are matched discuss ongoing contact in detail before the adoption is finalized. If adoptive parents and expectant mothers can not agree on the type and frequency of contact, then this may be a sign that they are not a good match for each other.

There are various issues to think about and consider when it comes to ongoing contact in open adoptions. I have outlined some of those aspects in... more