In yesterdays post, I discussed the negative aspect of my family loosing a family member. I really didn’t realize before signing those papers how much relinquishment would affect not just me but everyone in our family.

However, a positive aspect of open adoption is the fact that my family members have the ability to have a relationship with Charlie. Granted it’s not the normal type of relationship that they would have had with Charlie had I parented him, but it’s still a relationship.... more

I have been reading online about the experiences of some birthparents in open adoptions, who have come to find out over time, that perhaps they really don't like their kid’s adoptive parents very much. I wonder at times if I, like those adoptive parents in question, am susceptible to some very high, unknown, and unattainable standards myself.

I will be the first to admit that it scares the pants off me. I always come away from reading something like that from a birthparent, however justified in their personal situation, and wonder if my own children’s birthparents think... more

Another positive aspect of open adoption is the fact that Charlie has the ability to ask me any questions he may have related to adoption.

Charlie has always known he is adopted and his parents have done a terrific job of explaining adoption to him, but when those questions arise that involve why I made the choices he did, I prefer to the person answering them. As a birthmother, this is comforting to me because he gets the answers right from the source instead of second hand. His adoptive parents and I have discussed all of this before he was born and all came to the agreement... more

In my last post , I wrote about the things that I don’t know about Charlie being a huge negative aspect for me personally in my open adoption situation. It tears me up inside that I don’t know all the little things about Charlie that I do know about Noah. Piggybacking off that post and looking at the positive aspects of open adoption today, I’d like to talk about the things that I do know about Charlie.

Because of open adoption there are many little things about Charlie that I am able to... more

One of what I see as the big positives of open adoption is that my son will never have to search for me, I’m right here and he knows how and where to find me.

I know that there are many adult adoptees (and birthmothers too for that matter) who desperately want to find their birthmothers (or birth children). Let’s use my friend T as an example. She is an adult adoptee in her mid twenties who was placed in a closed adoption. She is searching for her birthmother. She desperately longs for a biological connection and says that she has longed for that connection for as long as she... more

In my last post, I shared about how I have been missing Charlie more so than usual lately. I’m not a patient person and the wait time in between visits can sometimes seem like forever. So, what should you do when that wait time seems like ions?

I’m sure each birthmother is different as to what helps her cope in between visits but here’s what I do to try and get through that time: 1. I initiate more contact in other ways such as phone or mail. As of lately, I have been sending Charlie more cards than I... more

Yes It is National Adoption Awareness Month, and that has been on my mind all day today. While glancing around online as I made my own post, I could see that it is in the thoughts of many in the internet world, and in a variety of ways, not all of them positive. I personally prefer to take a positive spin on the purpose of the month, although I can understand some of the mixed feelings many have. Adoption has it’s negatives, but I believe it is good to put those aside for a time, and focus... more

In yesterday’s positive and negative posting, I discussed the negatives of the moments I have missed. To be quite honest, it was depressing to write. I am well aware of the moments I have missed but it’s not my personality to focus on the negative things in life. That doesn’t mean that I am unaware of them or don’t hurt as a result of them, I just try not to focus on them and prefer to keep them in the back of my mind and not the forefront.

Today, though, it’s the turn for the positive post so in “piggyback” style I want to talk about the moments I haven’t missed. Because... more

One of the positives in our open adoption has definitely become my relationship with Charlie’s adoptive parents. I did choose them to be Charlie’s adoptive parents while I was still pregnant, so I did have the time before he was born to get to know them. Although he was born early, so it wasn’t that terribly long. Our relationship before Charlie was born and the time directly after he was born was like walking on eggshells. We were all treading new waters not really knowing exactly what the “right” thing to do or say was.

It was difficult and just as the there is the saying about “Rome... more

One on my readers IRIE recently asked me how to go about embracing birthfamily who want more contact. It seems she is also struggling with her own feelings concerning birthfamily members, who want to be super involved with her child. There were certain levels of contact IRIE reported not feeling so comfortable with, at this point anyway, but the fact she is seeking input to work through her feelings shows that potentially, when her child may be ready, she might also be open to such contact.

It... more