I have learned many lessons since becoming a birthmother and this is just one of the many….

Last night, Charlie’s Adoptive Mom, A, called me to discuss something not adoption related that she saw on the news. We chatted for awhile after discussing that about other various things and then our conversation somehow turned to children’s names. She made the comment to me that I could have wanted to name Charlie “hot dog” and she probably would have agreed. Then of course, she said she wouldn’t have quite agreed to “hot dog” but she definitely would have been willing... more

Jenna at the Birthparent blog had a good post today in response to a reader’s question about contact and communication. Her reader wanted some suggestions about keeping contact flowing, and also wondered who most often initiates contact, and how both sides usually feel about the level of communication. As usual, Jenna gave some awesome answers and advice.

I admit communication glitches have been some of the more difficult issues in all of my children’s adoptions. Who we... more

One unexpected predicament that some birthmothers and adoptive parents may have to face initially after relinquishment is a change in the relationship between them. It’s almost a shift, so to speak and it happened in our relationship.

During my pregnancy I became very close to S, A, and N, but I was closest to A. I really wanted to get to know the family well before Charlie was born as I thought it might make things less awkward later down road. A went to doctor’s appointments with me, we talked on the phone at least daily, and probably saw each other at least... more

A reader recently asked:

Do you have any advice for those of us who are newly participating in open adoptions?

Well of course, I have a few tips!

First of all, keep in mind that the relationship between adoptive parents and birth parents is just like any other type of relationship/friendship you may have. At times, it requires work and at other times it may become frustrating. You will have good times and bad times just like you do with any other relationship.

Secondly, go into the open adoption with an open mind and open... more

While chatting with some birthmother friends recently, we discovered that we all had similar New Year’s Resolutions of writing and mailing our child a letter once a month. I have attempted this in the past and although I have come close, I have never made it each month. So I was brainstorming some ways to make achieving this goal a little easier. Charlie loves receiving mail from me so I am really hoping that I can achieve this goal this year.

In order to make this goal easier to achieve, create a stationary box for yourself. You could use a photo box as they are a good size and pretty... more

Last evening I was happy to get a return phone call from my son’s birthmom. We have all been anxiously watching the news here, and wondering about her extended family, who are in Nairobi, Kenya amidst all the current political turmoil there. Right now this is a very unsafe place to be, and the full accounts of what horror is going there on have not even made it into main stream media yet.

During Kenya’s recent December elections, a dispute occurred about who the actual winner turned out to be, and some fairly intense ethnic clashes have been going on.... more

Visits with my son are bittersweet. While I love the time I get to spend with him, I always dread having to say goodbye and leave him or have him leave me or us leaving each other if we are in a neutral location, whatever the case maybe.

Recently I was having a discussion with some other birthmothers and we were discussing “saying goodbye” versus saying “see you later.” It may seem like something small and just a play on words but for me personally changing my mentality and seeing our separating at visits as more of a “see you later” than an actual goodbye has been helpful... more

Do you have a visit coming up this month? If you get together with your child’s family during the month of December, I have some holiday themed ideas that you could do during your time together. Whether or not you are able to do some of these ideas will depend on your child’s age, how close or far apart you live, the type of relationship you have with your child’s family, and how open your adoption is.

Trim the tree ~ When it’s time to decorate your Christmas tree, invite your child (and family) over to help! Serve some eggnog or holiday punch, turn on some Christmas carols,... more

Currently I am still under the weather, and my husband has had to step up to handle some of the logistics of a birthfamily visit yesterday. Usually the responsibility for making arrangements and carrying out contact rests squarely on my shoulders, but with the holiday frenzy, and my feeling very, very yucky, I had to pass the baton. Last evening he took our oldest daughter to attend an anniversary dinner for her birth grandparents at a local restaurant. I am sure things went well, our daughter had a good time, I just hope dad did not fall asleep (yes he has been known to do... more

With Thanksgiving pending, I have been going over all that I have to be thankful for here, and I am truly fortunate it is really a long list. One of the little things is that thankfully I won’t be cooking the turkey dinner tomorrow (a relief to all who know me), but there are also many, more important things I consider at this time every year.

I am thankful for a caring, supportive husband who works hard to provide for us all. Without him I would have never known that healing from the chaos that was my childhood was possible. I am immensely thankful for... more