As some may (or may not) have noticed, I have not been writing very much as of late. I am right along with those others on the blogs who have been feeling worn down physically by events, and emotionally working with my challenging children. Mix that along with the challenges that contact and open adoption... more

I really think my opinions about open adoption tend to walk a narrow line between knowing it can be positive, and knowing it can often be not so positive. I have experienced it both ways, and in even our most open ongoing relationship, there is warmth and understanding as well as intense times of disagreement and resentment.

If some people expect me to be always totally positive about open adoption, they will be sadly disappointed. If people wish to hear me consistently spout nothing but negatives about openness, then again, someone... more

Rebecca had some great posts about the kind of assumptions that people often make, upon seeing a family that doesn’t match. It is really sort of a quirky human desire to want to match people off and define in our mind what they are about, but that does not make it any easier I have found being on the receiving end of the assumptions.

Well ours is also a family that does... more

I usually think of the elderly as kind, gentle spirits, and most of them certainly are, but today I received a little reminder that sometimes an old mind can be a catacomb for old ideas, perceptions and hate from the past. Our family had a subtle, yet no less hurtful, racist encounter this afternoon thanks to a seemingly harmless elderly couple.

Today, after dropping off our oldest for a visit with her grandparents, my husband and I took our younger two out for a treat of ice cream in our small (and often backwards) midwest town. As we went into... more

Of all the twists and turns in the adoption community, one new thing I have noticed is a small crop of adoptive parents who profess to understand everything that is wrong with adoption, and believe they connect completely with birthparents and their unique issues. This is no small feat in my mind. I will not mention names, or point fingers, but it suffices to say, they are out there. Many readers here may already have met someone like them, and will know what I am talking about.

Let me just say, I know some things that are... more

There really is a deep social stigma against anyone who places a child for adoption, and though perceptions may have changed over the decades, those negatives have certainly not completely gone away. Birthparents are often subjected to rude comments and perceptions that are judgmental and unfair. People might wonder aloud why anyone would “give away” their baby. What kind of person does something that most could never imagine doing? While I have begun to understand how hurtful society can be concerning birthparents, as the years progress on... more

The other day I was reading the personal blog of someone whom I respect and have a great deal of admiration for. This person is a birthparent who has turned much of their life around, despite some unfortunate situations, and has found many wonderful things to share with others as a result. They have made open adoption a working reality for their family, and provided theirs as an example of what can happen, if everyone makes openness work the way it ideally should. The thing is I found myself coming away from my reading feeling upset on this particular occasion.

Part... more

I found this old, rather interesting postcard picture the other day, and initially I thought it had something to do with adoption. The picture, from 1913, is in fact a political satire about the current, moral issues of the time. The “Col. Roastwell” refers to President Theodore Roosevelt, and the artwork speaks to his favoring of immigration and large families. Some also attribute the comical drawing to the very real issues of oppression and human rights, in relation to immigrants, former slaves, and women. Obviously people also did not like immigration... more

Many of us strive for a world where every need is met, every moral and ethical value is upheld, and things are just. . . well, the way we feel they should be. In a perfect world everything that causes conflict would cease to cause conflict, or just in fact cease all together.

While there is nothing inherently evil with idealizing your concept of the world, it is not all together being honest with yourself, or helping the world for that matter. The world is no perfect place, and simply living here will tell you, that some solutions we have found... more

"Propaganda is the deliberate, systematic attempt to shape perceptions, manipulate cognitions, and direct behavior to achieve a response that furthers the desired intent of the propagandist." Source: Garth S. Jowett and Victoria O'Donnell, Propaganda And Persuasion, 4th edition, 2006.

I have no doubt that reforms are needed in the world of adoption, to say otherwise would be to blatantly ignore the many flaws of our current system. Scores of other adoptive parents also see the ills of the past era of adoptions,... more