No I am not a birthparent. I never found myself facing the difficult decision of placing a child with another family for adoption, but I have found myself on the side of adoption loss, and unfortunatly more than once in my life. For me there was no decision afforded me, no choice in the matter, so I really do empathize with birthparents who have relinquished feeling like they had no control, I really do.

You see I am a birthfamily member, an Aunt to several children of my middle brother, all placed in closed adoptions. As awful as it is... more

In the last two weeks we have had a lot going on, and if you were around my kids today you would have seen them crashing with the after effects. Today was our first “calm” day at home after almost 10 days of vacationing in various locations. There was a ton of fighting, screaming, and other discipline issues beyond the norm for all three of them. I know this is most likely a release from all the changes in the last two weeks, but it has been exhausting.

I think for all children change is a scary thing, but for adopted kids that fear... more

Have you ever noticed if your grief is worse at night? For me personally, my grief does get worse at night. Night is the time I end up having my breakdowns and crying and I’ve heard other birthmothers say that the nights are difficult for them as well.

So, why are nights more difficult at times? I think that during the day it is easier to keep ourselves busy and that often we just get caught up in the everyday busyness of our lives. We have jobs, friends, family, possibly other children, school, etc. to keep us pretty busy and that doesn’t give us a... more

Another therapeutic activity that is a personal favorite of mine is scrapbooking.

I’ve written before about Charlie’s life book. Creating his life book was empowering, healing, and therapeutic for me. His life book contains pictures, information from my childhood, and other miscellaneous information about my side of his biological family history. When creating his life book, I found comfort in the fact that through the life book he would always have something... more

Traditional journaling is a therapeutic activity for many birthmothers. Journaling, much like blogging, is a great way to work through any emotions you are feeling.

Journaling provides you with a way to release your emotions. You are not judged in your writings. It doesn’t matter how many spelling mistakes or grammatical errors you have in your writing. Journaling is for YOU to work through the many complicated emotions that come along with adoption and just life in and of its self.

If you are struggling with an issue or a decision, you can journal... more

“You can let the grief control you or you can control the grief.” ~ Author Unknown

I love this quote. I came across it awhile back and wrote it down. I don’t remember exactly where I found it though.

In the beginning of being a birthmother, the grief controlled me. I think that’s only normal in the beginning of something life altering, like relinquishing a child. There were days that I thought the grief would win and take over my life. But slowly, I began to realize that I couldn’t go on like that forever. I had to... more

I was having a great conversation with a friend and fellow birthmom last night and the phrase “moving on” in regards to adoption came up in the conversation. I really dislike this phrase.

I’m sure most birthmothers have heard it before. Sometimes other people will make the comment “she just needs to move on” or “get over it” about a birthmother or sometimes even directly say this to her. To me personally, moving on implies moving past something and forgetting it. I think people who are not touched by adoption (and even some that are touched by adoption... more

My co-blogger Coley, who also writes for the crisis pregnancy blog, recently did a great post concerning a birthparent view of things a expectant mother should consider before making an adoption plan. Some really great advice! I agree with her wisdom and perspective. While reading this post though, I began thinking how many of those same things could be slightly adjusted and addressed to potential adoptive... more

“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”

-Winnie the Pooh

I love that little Pooh, even if he is a “silly ole bear” he has a darn good grasp of one of the most important ingredients for living with in a positive open adoption, Trust.

While one objective of open adoption is to lessen the loss for those involved, that is just what it does, it does not make loss disappear. Openness in adoption also means adoptive parents bearing witness, often on a daily basis, to... more

Entering into an open adoption can be a complicated endeavor. Even for parents who have prepared themselves in every way available, it can still fall short of what may be needed. Reading books, talking to others who adopted, meeting with counselors, selecting an ethical agency or facilitator, nothing can truly prepare you for the challenges that may lie ahead. Every adoption situation is as unique as the people involved. Every situation changes over time, as well as the feelings of all parties.

Part of what adoptive parents will learn... more