Sometimes when I think of Charlie and I am missing him, I am especially missing the little baby newborn version of him that I spent three days with in the hospital, not the wild, rambunctious almost six year old he has become today.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t love who he is today because I do. (Lots and lots!) But those three days in the hospital, he felt like he was all “mine.” I hadn’t signed the relinquishment papers yet and I was his mother; just his mother, without the “birth” part in front of it. But then, I signed those papers and gave a... more

The best thing about being with someone for so very long, is that they get to know just what you need to pick yourself up from a really rough spot. They remember you when, as in when you were not so chubby, sporting so much grey hair, and how hot you once looked in leg warmers. Thankfully I have just that in my “retro love”, my husband of eighteen plus years, J. He knows this week has taken a toll on my sanity, and he understands why. Our dear five year old daughter mostly never lets a person catch their breath before the battle begins anew, so today he attempted... more

I am addicted to reality TV and the summer show, Big Brother, is one of my personal favorites. You are probably wondering what Big Brother has to do with adoption. Unless it is a secret, there are no triad members in the Big Brother house this season. But, Big Brother does have something to do with my adoption.

It was in its second season during my pregnancy. I didn’t have the time to watch it during the first season but pregnancy complications afforded me the time to watch the second season.

If you’ve never... more

In this short series on interfamily adoptions, I shared with you the story of one birthmother whose parents adopted her daughter. Today, I’d like to share the story of two sisters; one sister adopted the other sister’s baby. I recently had the opportunity to ask the birthmother in this interfamily adoption a few questions.

There are eight years between sisters M and A with A. being the... more

No I am not a birthparent. I never found myself facing the difficult decision of placing a child with another family for adoption, but I have found myself on the side of adoption loss, and unfortunatly more than once in my life. For me there was no decision afforded me, no choice in the matter, so I really do empathize with birthparents who have relinquished feeling like they had no control, I really do.

You see I am a birthfamily member, an Aunt to several children of my middle brother, all placed in closed adoptions. As awful as it is... more

One scenario of an interfamily adoption could be a situation where the grandparents are the parents, meaning one the child’s set of grandparents adopt him or her becoming his/her legal parents.

This is the case for fellow birthmother, J. Her parents adopted her daughter K, who is now ten. I had the opportunity to ask J a few questions about how their interfamily adoption is working out and will share the questions and answers with you as they provide interesting first hand insight into an interfamily adoption.

How has this interfamily adoption... more

One form of open adoption that we do not talk about too often is interfamily adoptions. Interfamily adoptions, also known as relative adoptions, involved direct biological relatives of the child adopting the child. The family member who adopted and is raising the child could be birthmother’s sister and her husband, an aunt and uncle, or even her parents.

In many states, relative adoptions are treated less formally than non relative adoptions. Sometimes they require a shortened home study or none at all if they meet that particular state’s definition... more

In my last two posts I have written about family and adoption, more specifically how some of our family members may be hesitant in participating in your open adoption.

My parents were a little hesitant about open adoption. When I told them of my pregnancy, my Mom asked if I would receive pictures of Charlie over the years and with tears in her eyes, she asked if I would show them to her. I of course said... more

Today I finally was able to experience what my son’s first mother did when she first learned she was expecting, I got to see his tiny little beating heart on a sonogram screen.

I know he is three years old, and I know that I did not get to experience the added wonder of feeling his little heart beating from inside my womb, but it caught me off guard with a sense of wonder none the less. I was face to face with that smoothly pumping, sweetly ticking little part that makes life and everything else possible, my child’s beautiful beating heart. For my... more

Two years ago today our baby, Darcy, became an angel. It’s a hard day filled with immense grief.

Sometimes people compare relinquishing a child to adoption to the death of a child. Having experienced both, I see the similarities and the differences. If nothing else, dealing with the grief of becoming a birthmother has helped me deal with the grief in loosing Darcy. It’s odd but becoming a birthmother in some ways prepared me for this unforeseen loss.

I had expected Charlie’s first birthday to be difficult but I was naïve in thinking that his... more