Part One

After finding out the hard way that not everyone shares a new adoptive mother’s enthusiasm about her route to parenthood, I began to share less and less. At the very least I began to scrutinize a person before I shared. I had to feel them out to gage whether their response would be good or not so good.

I had to wonder if that is part of why closed adoptions were so popular years ago. Sharing sort of sets’ you up. A lot of people... more

Fellow blogger Jenna wrote a really great series about her “coming out of the closet” so to speak as a birthmother. It makes sense that presenting yourself in this little understood light can be difficult and you would expect to be unfairly judged and scrutinized. I am really glad she shared that aspect of her situation. I as well as a few others were surprised to learn that she was not always so open because she presents such a strong voice online.... more

Myth number 1: Open Adoption is a form of co-parenting. Myth number 2: Birthmoms in open adoptions will come and kidnap or steal their children. Myth Number 3: Open adoption is easier on a birthmom.

I think it is a common myth that birthmothers in open adoptions have an easier time grieving or “moving on” since they remain a part of their child’s life. I actually... more

Myth Number Two: Birthmoms will come and steal or kidnap their child(ren).

Oh, this is a fun one to tackle at the moment in light of the Alison Quets case, the birthmom who recently kidnapped her own twins from their adoptive parents after she battled them for custody in the court systems for seventeen months. I think it’s important to keep in mind that this case is far and few between. It is rare.

Most birthmothers in open adoptions don’t get to the desperate point that Alison Quets did.... more

If you read Missing Child, Then you will know that I have been having some intense feelings related to the recent disappearance of a child near where I myself grew up.

Any time a child is missing the whole world, parents especially seem to hold our collective hearts in our throat till we hear good news. Sometimes the good news never comes.

What also shocked me and caught me somewhat by surprise, was the sense of hurt and upset this awakened in me about adoption.... more

Starting with this post, I am beginning a new and ongoing series about the popular myths that society (or others in the adoption community not involved in this type of adoption) has about open adoption. If there is a popular myth, you’d like to see me tackle, don’t hesitate to ask!

Myth Number One:

Open adoption is a form of co-parenting.

False! Any birthmother actively participating in open adoption will tell you how untrue this myth is.

First of all, let’s define co-parenting.

Co-Parenting: Sharing... more

At my house all the Christmas decorations are put away. Some of the many gifts from the day already broken.

Broken gifts. What do you do?

Well if they are the typical type you can stand in excruciatingly long lines at the retailer to hopefully return for pennies on the dollar of the original price that was paid. That is if you have a receipt. In either case expect a headache.

The fractured gifts I refer to however are not the mass-merchandiser variety. This year was a fresh disappointment for me because it was the first Christmas... more

Our adoption is independent, once contested, and open. On Friday it’ll be finalized! The first time I met the judge (I believe) who will be signing our ‘forever family’ papers was under very different and frightening circumstances. We had the real chance we would not be able to parent our son. This judge was the one who would be deciding the case.

It was also the first time we met my son’s biological paternal grandparents (and great grandparents, though at the time we didn’t know that). That wasn’t an easy meeting either,... more

The last two and a half years I’ve dreamed of our finalization date. It would be the day Craig and Jimmy, Jay and I would be a forever family.

After two and a half years in an abnormal adoption process, last week I found out we had a date. It's September 8 at 8:15 a.m.

I used to watch Adoption Stories on the Discovery Health channel and cry during the scene when that family was signing the papers in front of the judge and then getting their pictures taken with him or her.

I know I’ll leak a tear or two (or ten thousand!) during our court date. However, I didn’t expect to be head-on-my-desk sobbing after I hung up the phone with our lawyer after hearing the good news.... more

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been instant messaging my husband from work “did we get the letter?” about the time he checks the mail.

See, I’ve been eagerly waiting for word on our adoption since our last home check by the social worker. (I’m still pinching myself they were really here!) Before the social worker left our house, she said we’d get a letter in the mail the next week. As soon as we received it, our lawyer could file the last adoption paperwork (not sure what it’s called) with the court. After that we’d get a court date for finalization.

So I’ve been waiting … and waiting … and waiting.

I wondered why it wasn’t here the week it was supposed to be.... more