Deb’s recent post about open adoption being easier for adoptive parents got me thinking about the myth that I believe some may have about open adoption being easier for birthmothers as well.

I often wonder about that. I don’t know closed adoption. I only know open adoption. It’s all I have experienced and it’s all I know at this time in my life. I know that not being able to see my child would be heartbreaking but sometimes seeing my child can be heartbreaking.... more

Honestly I know that a lot of adoptive parents have experienced anger being unfairly directed at them from those birthparents and adoptees who have an extremely negative view of adoption, but there are also birthparents and adoptees who become targets of this hostility from the same angry groups as well. Those out there who have had what they feel to be a positive adoption experience, or that as birthparents feel confident in their decision to place, are also attacked by people with this negative agenda.

This evening... more

Hate is a pretty strong word, but a word that sums up some of the extreme views going around in the world of adoption today. A good part of this hate/anger develops because of the highly emotional nature of adoption. Often the feelings of those who were (or feel they were) wronged somehow involving their own adoption experience can grow out of control if they do not learn more productive coping methods. Of course we know that many people were wronged or abused concerning adoption, but there is a difference in the way that some of those people are choosing... more

Continued from Part Two

The transracial couple I knew of did everything to prepare for the possibility of adopting and very quickly, so what went wrong? Well suddenly after the birth of the baby they were told that the mother had changed her mind about placement and would be parenting. They were disappointed, but that happens and they understood. It was only later when speaking to the mutual friend (the one who was going to be the foster... more

Continued form Part One

The referral director was cold in tone when she explained that the birth mother had selected another family. How could that be? It was odd that the referral director called us at precisely the time that the potential birthmom had agreed to call me, or was it? Honestly we had many irons in the fire to locate a situation so we put this aside and forged forward and with good results. We located our second daughter’s... more

You can hear a lot lately in the world of adoption about women, many not even expectant mothers at all, posing as potential birthparents in order to scam hopeful adoptive couples. You might even have heard about adoptive couples who scam young women posing as prepared and screened when they are in fact not approved for adoption and want to conduct matters under the radar of proper adoption laws. How much however have you heard about adoption agencies and other seeming “professionals” becoming the actual scam artists? While there do not appear to be many... more

I wish I had a perky post ready for today, but that just is not the way my life is currently going. My four year old has been pushing me near the brink today and right now I feel very, very alone.

A few months back we finally, after almost two years of struggling, took her to a therapist and Reactive Attachment Disorder was brought up. I had always felt that children who suffered from this were mainly those who had lived deprived of early attention in an overseas orphanage, or even severely abused children in our own foster... more

Today the rain is coming down, the sky grey and somber. I am so tired of cold drab days and am so very ready for spring to arrive. While I know that the rain today is preparing the earth for that burst of life I so desperately want to see, it is hard none the less to sit here today in this dark, dreary place.

Some days I find myself sitting, waiting and thinking about a more “beautiful spring” in the world of adoption as well. The days when the sky is over cast and dark are many in this poorly understood and isolating corner of the human... more

Is that even possible? I know we spend a ton of time reminding people (and rightly so) that most birthparents really DO care about the child they placed, even when they cannot bring themselves to visit or stay in contact. This “staying away” comes out of the pain and renewal of their grief every time they have to again leave a visit, and without their child. This is something most adoptive parents truly have understanding and empathy for. Everyday I talk to someone who sends letters and pictures out... more

Right around the holidays last year I had a relative ask me a crazy birthparent related question, “Doesn’t seeing THEM cause a problem?” I do not know what surprised me more, that she asked a question obviously showing she buys into the myth that open adoption equals a big problem, OR that she is also a grandmother of two adopted kids (and should there by be better educated right?). I believe I let her know that seeing our children’s birthfamilies “does not cause us any problem, did it cause her one?”

It’s amazing... more