Holly at the Africa Adoption blog recently did a great, eye-opening series on adoptism, what it means, and how it affects those touched by adoption. Many of those who commented wondered whether or not this is a true “-ism” and if it really touches anyone other than adoptive parents with it’s harsh and discriminatory occurrence.

Upon thinking myself on this issue I decided to address what I feel adoptism is from my own perspective as an adoptive mom of three children, and... more

Open adoption is a fairly new concept for many people. It really has just become popular and more practiced in the past five to ten years. In this post, we will examine some of the annoying comments that people make when they find out you are participating in an open adoption.

1. “How nice of them to let you see him/her.”

This comment is usually said in response to me explaining that I have an open adoption with visitations and that I get to see my son.

Why this statement can be annoying to a birthmother: It’s a tad condescending... more

Let’s take a minute and examine some annoying comments a little closer. The annoying comments in this post are typically comments made about being a birthmother in general.

1. “I could never give my baby away.” Why it hurts a birthmother: Most of us (birthmothers) did not make this decision lightly. We spent many hours contemplating and agonizing over the decision. The phrase “give away” makes it sound as if you gave away a pair of pants that no longer fit. Yes, this might be getting a little picky over the wording,... more

Let’s face it – we live in a society that loves to talk. We love gossip and typical water cooler discussions often consist of talk about Angelina’s adoptions or speculate over who is the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. We all have comments and opinions on the lives of others.

It’s not that much different on a smaller scale. As people begin to learn of your status as a birthmother and your participation in an open adoption, you are going to get comments and opinions. Some of these comments and opinions can be annoying and downright rude.

For the... more

Well the most basic conclusion that could be drawn from the heading is that Yes, adoption means JOY for adopting parents and that is most of what I too hear from other members of the triad. As an adoptive parent I must only know complete joy about adoption, after all I am a parent because of adoption, therefore adoption=joy for me. That is what I too believed, before I actually... more

Just because adoptive parents have committed to an open adoption relationship does not mean that they are also agreeing to a shared parenting experience with birthfamily. Most parents who adopt do so out of a great desire to fully parent children and there is nothing wrong with the wish to do that. Part of the loss that birthparents will go through in adoption involves the loss of authority to make daily and long term parental decisions for their birth child. This is a difficult loss, but that is part of the importance of placing parents fully understanding... more

After watching a town hall episode of Oprah today, aired in response to the recent events surrounding Don Imus and his derogatory remarks about the female Rutgers basketball team, I wanted to address this issue of race and our culture. I am mother of a black son, this issue is one that holds an immense amount of importance for me. I am also a white, adoptive mother who is only just beginning to see the multi-layered issues involving race that still so deeply divides not only white and black... more

So you have adopted a child or are planning to? How about a highway, an impoverished family at holiday time, or a dog at the local pound? There are currently tons of ways people or groups take the terminology of adoption and use those words to create empathy for their situation or purpose, but is it always right? As adoptive parents should we have more concern about the how the word “adoption” has been used to mean a variety of other things in our society? Isn’t this use of adoption language demeaning to our families?

So many seek to take the word... more

In my last post, I wrote about the stereotypical myth that open adoption may be easier for birthmothers, but on the flip side, is open adoption harder for birthmothers??

A dear friend who is a birthmother from the closed adoption era often states that she thinks open adoption would be so hard on a birthmother, harder than a closed adoption. If she had been given the opportunity to choose the type of adoption she would have, she’s pretty sure she would not have... more

Deb’s recent post about open adoption being easier for adoptive parents got me thinking about the myth that I believe some may have about open adoption being easier for birthmothers as well.

I often wonder about that. I don’t know closed adoption. I only know open adoption. It’s all I have experienced and it’s all I know at this time in my life. I know that not being able to see my child would be heartbreaking but sometimes seeing my child can be heartbreaking.... more