Recently a friend from college and I were having a conversation about open adoption. She was telling me that lately she has been thinking that she and her husband might adopt a child but she was quick to say she would not want an open adoption. When I asked why, she responded that she wouldn’t want a birthmother telling her how to raise the child.

I was a little surprised that this statement was coming from her because she has seen me interacting with Charlie and his adoptive family before and I have never tried to co-parent. I may tell him “no” if... more

I was reading a recent article out of out of an Oklahoma City newspaper about the cost of adoption. Often times it is adoptive parents that we hear discussing and complaining (and rightly so!) about the cost of adoption, but it also a troubling issue for me and possibly other birth parents as well for a few different reasons.

First of all, on the emotional side of this issue, the cost of adoption and all the discussion that goes along with it can sometimes make me feel like I “sold my baby.” Of course,... more

One thing I have learned during my short time as a writer of open adoption bloggery is that when you think you have expressed something really good, people may not agree, they might not even be reading. On the other hand, when you think you pumped something out that might be lacking in interesting adoption matter, you... more

I was having a great conversation with a friend and fellow birthmom last night and the phrase “moving on” in regards to adoption came up in the conversation. I really dislike this phrase.

I’m sure most birthmothers have heard it before. Sometimes other people will make the comment “she just needs to move on” or “get over it” about a birthmother or sometimes even directly say this to her. To me personally, moving on implies moving past something and forgetting it. I think people who are not touched by adoption (and even some that are touched by adoption... more

There really is a deep social stigma against anyone who places a child for adoption, and though perceptions may have changed over the decades, those negatives have certainly not completely gone away. Birthparents are often subjected to rude comments and perceptions that are judgmental and unfair. People might wonder aloud why anyone would “give away” their baby. What kind of person does something that most could never imagine doing? While I have begun to understand how hurtful society can be concerning birthparents, as the years progress on... more

The other day I was reading the personal blog of someone whom I respect and have a great deal of admiration for. This person is a birthparent who has turned much of their life around, despite some unfortunate situations, and has found many wonderful things to share with others as a result. They have made open adoption a working reality for their family, and provided theirs as an example of what can happen, if everyone makes openness work the way it ideally should. The thing is I found myself coming away from my reading feeling upset on this particular occasion.

Part... more

Recently my co-blogger, Deb, wrote an excellent post about having an open adoption despite disapproval from family and friends. Being a adoptive mother , Deb wrote this from an adoptive mother’s perspective, but I think that some birthparents have to deal with this as well.

Personally speaking, I think my parents were probably a little wary of the whole open adoption concept. It was foreign to them and I don’t think they understood initially the ways that it might benefit the child.... more

What do you do as a birthparent when you realize your child isn’t living the happily ever after fairy tale life you thought they were? In the less open forms of open adoption or if perhaps you are limited to visits due to distance, your child may appear to be happy, but how much of what is really going on behind closed doors will be aware of until they are a great deal older? What do you do when you realize that “happily ever after” didn’t occur for your child?

I have a good friend going through this right now. Her child was verbally abused and mistreated for... more

I found this old, rather interesting postcard picture the other day, and initially I thought it had something to do with adoption. The picture, from 1913, is in fact a political satire about the current, moral issues of the time. The “Col. Roastwell” refers to President Theodore Roosevelt, and the artwork speaks to his favoring of immigration and large families. Some also attribute the comical drawing to the very real issues of oppression and human rights, in relation to immigrants, former slaves, and women. Obviously people also did not like immigration... more

Many of us strive for a world where every need is met, every moral and ethical value is upheld, and things are just. . . well, the way we feel they should be. In a perfect world everything that causes conflict would cease to cause conflict, or just in fact cease all together.

While there is nothing inherently evil with idealizing your concept of the world, it is not all together being honest with yourself, or helping the world for that matter. The world is no perfect place, and simply living here will tell you, that some solutions we have found... more