I’ve heard several birthmothers involved in open adoptions mention lately that someone they know had made the “co-parenting and adoption correlation.” You know, where they’ll say that open adoption is a form of co-parenting.

I was thinking about this and wondering when someone thinks or says that where are they coming from? What actions in an open adoption are causing them to think that a birthmother participating in an open adoption is co-parenting? The next person I come in contact with who says that open adoption is like co-parenting I will ask why they think and... more

In a recent post, I talked about some negative comments that a friend made. In a comment on that same post, Jenna made me think about how there are times that you may realize that you no longer want to continue a friendship with someone who is unsupportive.

It’s sad but not everyone in your life is going to be supportive or understand your thoughts and feelings related to adoption. Sometimes it won’t be an issue or it might not bother... more

Recently when I was feeling down about being a birthmother and missing Charlie, a friend who does not have a personal connection to adoption said something like, “Really? You are still upset about that? I thought you’d be over it by now. Don’t you think it is time to move on.”

Yes, I was both hurt and angered by this comment. This is someone who I thought was starting to “get it.” I thought she’d seen enough through my eyes that she was beginning to have a true glimpse as to the emotions of the heart of a birthmother. Since she recently had a child of her... more

I still have weddings on the brain! In the last two posts, I have written about my son’s adoptive family being involved in our wedding and both his adoptive mom and sister were in our wedding party. As I stated in one of those posts, asking my son’s adoptive family to participate in our wedding and to be there, felt only natural to me however, I did worry about how other people would react.

At that point in time, Charlie was about one and a half years old. My parents... more

It seems like when society is thinking about birthmothers we often fit into one of two categories. We are either a sinner or a saint.

Some of us are viewed as sinners because we were unwed at the time we unexpectedly became pregnant so we committed what many view as a “sin” by getting pregnant. We are sinners because we shamed our families by getting pregnant. We are sinners because we did the unthinkable and “gave our babies away.” Some of you may be thinking that people don’t think that sort of thing in this day and age and granted that line of thinking probably... more

Note: Before you get to the heart of this post, let me clarify that in this post I am referring to women who severely abuse their children and as a result the child or children are removed by the state. I am not referring to women whose children were removed for another reason than neglect or abuse, or women who met all the requirements to get their children back placed up on them by the state, their children were not returned and their rights were terminated.

Recently in my area, a young mother killed... more

You may recall back in December when I wrote of a placed nephew who I was unexpectedly reunited with for a brief 5 hour visit. Taken from his divorcing parents (my brother & his ex) he was placed for adoption at age 7, then returned to the foster system where he aged out this last fall. It was a sad thing for me to learn after so many years of wondering about him. Our short visit was enough though for me to begin to see warning signs, and predict some of what we might unfortunately... more

Back in December, when my family and I were out trying to squeeze in some last minute Christmas shopping, I had a repeat of an uneasy sort of experience that I do run into every now and again. We were all in the Gymboree store (gosh I love that place) and the kids were all watching the little television they have set up playing the educational dvds that they sell, when a sweet little African American toddler joined them.

My own kids are sometimes like puppies and they can bounce all over a new person with the excitement of wanting to know them. That is... more

In an earlier post, outlining my various connections to the world of adoption, I mentioned that besides being an adoptive mom I am also a birthfamily member. I am an aunt to several children placed in closed adoptions. Two of them are now 18 and I had just begun to consider that they could now quite possibly show up on my doorstep at any time, if they decided to search. Well that possibility became... more

Another negative aspect of open adoption has to be the fact that we (those participating in open adoptions) are swimming in uncharted waters because of the lack of education, resources, and support for all members of the adoption triad participating in open adoptions.

Many people may think that open adoption is a newer form of adoption, but it’s really not. It’s just making a come back. Until the end of the nineteenth century most adoptions were informal and open. Adoption agencies were not around, so if a young woman became unexpectedly pregnant and could not care for her baby,... more