In the decades of closed adoptions, adoptive parents could choose to put the emotional details of adoption aside to come back and deal with at some future time, perhaps when their child became an adult and wanted to connect to birthfamily. Of course we have also learned with time that the system and process of closed adoptions is one that did not work well for most people involved. Many people were not told details and as a result had many questions which their adoptive families also had no clear answers for.

In the open adoptions of... more

It is late here, my husband doesn’t know it, but I am thinking some crazy thoughts.

I know with all the complications were are experiencing with all our kid’s biological families you would not think this would be crossing my mind. . . but here it is creeping in there when even I least would expect it too. I am thinking about a new baby. (Ok and I am telling all of YOU first!)

Ok, now that I said that I have got it out there so I can reflect on why exactly I might be feeling that way at such an odd time (and why it isn't... more

Yesterday I wrote about dealing with new additions to your child’s adoptive family and then my co-blogger Deb wrote about the reaction of her daughter’s birth family when they added another child to their family. But how do you deal with new additions to your own family? How can you have a baby and parent that baby yet still make your birthchild feel loved.

I have a few suggestions... more

Continued from Part 1

Although you may be sad about the move and feel many different emotions, it’s important to remember that the child is the most important person in this whole situation, so making him or her feel secure with the changes that are about to come about is of the utmost importance.

How can you make your child feel loved and still be a part of his or her life while living miles and miles away?

There are often many things around us that we as adoptive moms can use to help ourselves find our way through the more challenging moments of our adoption experience. Some days I know that I forget to slow down and smell the roses so to speak, and to just enjoy my family and the life that I have. When times get difficult we can either become absorbed in the emotions of it all, or we can choose to take a step back and re-focus on what we really value and have been blessed with. For those who might be having a difficult time trying to focus (as I often... more

Today was a good day at our house. My four year old Cierra had a very relaxed day and that is something we do not get to see too often. We went to church, out to lunch, and home to just hang out. No big episodes, nothing I would not consider normal or ordinary for the age. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me, because quite honestly the day in day out screaming and defiance would wear even a saint out.

We have not been going to her RAD therapy lately, partly because we are trying to locate someone closer... more

Hate is a pretty strong word, but a word that sums up some of the extreme views going around in the world of adoption today. A good part of this hate/anger develops because of the highly emotional nature of adoption. Often the feelings of those who were (or feel they were) wronged somehow involving their own adoption experience can grow out of control if they do not learn more productive coping methods. Of course we know that many people were wronged or abused concerning adoption, but there is a difference in the way that some of those people are choosing... more

This scenario could go two different ways, but the end result is the same, you are separated by many miles from your child and your child’s family. Before I dive into the subject at hand, let me say, that I understand not everyone placed their child with adoptive parents in the same area, so this is geared towards those who do…

You place your child in an open adoption agreement and are able to see him or her periodically but then because of career choices, family situations, or other circumstances on either your part or your child’s family’s part, you (scenario... more

My three children.

There was a time when I felt I would never be able to imagine the feeling of mothering children, yet here they are, beautiful, tangible, a dream turned reality. Some people wonder if I feel like I have somehow given up on my “dream child” by becoming a parent through adoption, but that shows how very little they truly understand my heart. These children ARE in fact my heart. They are so much more than any dream I could have pieced together in my mind of the ideal family. They are REAL, and yes they are mine!

Becoming... more

As much as we like to talk of Christians having compassion (and sometimes even forgetting to have said compassion) how many of you have fallen into the same assumption that I mistakenly made the other day?

I was making a few calls to try and locate a therapist for my daughter and it was quite an emotional process. I got through to one woman who deals with RAD children and she was very comforting and helpful, offering me contacts and even words of support and encouragement. When we had begun our conversation I was in tears from... more