Jenna’s recent wedding series in the Birth/First Parent Blog and the recent marathon of wedding related television shows on the Style Network have the subject of weddings on my brain. I’m not thinking of my own wedding (although it was lovely) but I’m thinking of a wedding that will take place one day far, far in the future. I’m thinking of the day that Charlie will be all grown up and will stand before his friends, family, and God and vow his love and devotion to a beautiful bride.

I’ve... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

After reading another of Jenna’s great posts, I admit this one had me really thinking. Honestly this young woman has such an exceptional way with words! I really feel she won’t be at a loss for those words when her daughter needs to hear from her heart, but I could see what she was trying to express.

I have no doubt that birthparents fear that day, the day when their old enough child is able to verbalize the question that perhaps they fear the most. WHY?... more

“Are you afraid of the role you played in this loss?”

-Ann, Lili Taylor of Lifetime's "State Of Mind"

This is what I encountered while flipping through channels late at night, searching for something to help keep my eyes open just a bit longer. Boy did that open my eyes.

Lifetime’s new show “State Of Mind” staring Lili Taylor, aired a particularly interesting episode (only the show’s 4th) centering on a birthmother’s quest to locate her now 13... more

Being adoptive parents has certainly been a very different journey than my husband and I might have had with biological kids. Aside from the obvious things, children who do not look like us, who have emotional challenges as a result of adoption, and have a history and other relationships that precede our family, one really huge thing for us has been discovering special needs in a child we had assumed was born healthy.

Our middle child appears to be a beautiful, healthy little girl. Being there from the moment she entered the world somehow left us... more

Every one of us has our difficult times with complex relationships, adoptive moms are certainly no different from anyone else in this respect. There are times when we all need to step back, re-group, and find a fresher perspective to help us get past the tough times that we might find ourselves mired down by. Many adoptive mothers could tell you, adoption definitely has tough times! If we just allow all the emotions of the situation to carry us away, it becomes harder and harder to stay focused and remember what it is that we value in our relationships.

In... more

This is the week of the county fair in my area and the excitement is beginning to build for opening festivities on Wednesday night. Along with carnival rides, animal showings, tons of funnel cakes and cotton candy, there is the Little Miss and Mr.Contest and our Cierra is entered this year.

Lately our “Little Miss” is in one of her angry and combative cycles every time we turn around though, not solid contestant material to say the least. I am thinking if they gave out a ribbon for “Miss Antagonist” she would win this one... more

Sometimes the mentality out there is that everyone who adopts is the same. Because we all welcome into our fold a child not born to us, we must all somehow be of the same spirit and beliefs. Often people paint the thoughts and imagined experiences of adoptive parents with one broad, generalized brush, but in truth the reality is anything but uniform sameness.

A person could know several adoptive parents, and never know any two who are alike or even vaguely similar, except that they adopted. People who adopt can be young or old, single or married,... more

“I could never do that.”

This statement makes my stomach churn every time I hear it and I’m sure there are probably some other birthmothers out there reading this, sitting at their computer desks, nodding their heads yes in unison.

First, let me clarify the context that I’m referring to in this post. I’m referring to the “I could never do that” statement in the context of being a birthmother, typically when I’ve just shared with someone who doesn’t know my story very well or at all that I am... more

Recently the talk has been about whether or not open adoption, and ongoing contact with birthfamily equates to the same level of commitment as does a marriage. To many this would appear to be a controversial concept. Although commitment is commitment in some minds, are open adoption and marriage really the same?

A marriage is a relationship formed out of mutual love between two parties. A man and a woman fall in love and legally express that commitment... more