Tomorrow is our first day back at school, and lets just say I am a bit anxious. Of course I am wondering how my five year old (with RAD added) will adjust to being at school all day long, but I am not as worried as I could be I suppose. I know she has done well for the last two years in half day preschool programs there. Consistency is key. Even better news is one of her preschool teachers has stepped up to take over the Kindergarten class, since the previous teacher retired at the end of last year. She is familiar with this teacher, and the teacher... more

Do you remember making a family tree when you were in school? I remember making several family trees over the school years. They were always fun to do and I learned more about different relatives from the past that I did not know.

But, what does an adopted child do when it is time to make a family tree? I’ve actually had this discussion with A before. She has always said that she would love to have any of the genealogy information that we have from when my Dad and I traced our family line. She expressed that in doing a family tree in school that she... more

Although I don’t parent Charlie on a daily basis, I am still involved in his life and can provide him with additional support, love, and encouragement. Since I believe a good education is so important and it was so important to me growing up, I like to encourage Charlie to do well in school too.

Some ways that I encourage Charlie in his education and ways that other birthmothers could encourage their child or children in his or her education are listed below.

1. Before the start of a new school year, send your child a card or a note in the... more

It’s almost time for school to start here in South Carolina. Summers are fun, but I am always ready for school to start back. Since it’s almost time for school to start, I’ll be doing a short series on some school related topics.

I have fond memories of school from childhood. School supply shopping was always a big deal in my family. I looked forward to coming home from school with that huge list of everything I needed, then going to Wal-Mart to buy everything with my Mom and little brother. I miss not being able to take Charlie shopping for school supplies... more

School will be starting here next week, although we are not quite ready. There are supplies to be purchased, clothing to be bought, and backpacks to be packed with everything they will need. This year even my BABY will be in preschool two mornings a week, and I am feeling overwhelmed by many feelings connected with this season in our lives.

This also marks the end of the first year of my having left the workforce. I left a job of eight years at that same school last fall, to be a stay home mom. It has been a difficult transition... more

Do you ever feel having an open adoption causes you to hold on more cautiously (or perhaps too tightly) to your children in other life situations?

Open adoption causes us to face so much birth/first parent loss head on, and also surrender some of our own feelings of independence because we are not the singular parents of our children. I believe it can lead to our over sheltering of our children. I certainly feel I have experienced this with my own three adopted children at times.

As my children get older, and require more independence... more

When most people think about ethics in the adoption process, they think about what those who are adopting children are doing. Adoptive parents are often seen as the only people with control over the level of ethics in an adoption, but this is untrue. While others such as potential birthparents and adoption professionals also bear varying levels of responsibility, adopting parents do have a need to be throughly informed about the potential placement of a child they might accept.

Being able to make good judgements for adopting parents depends... more

When the adoption community speaks about ethics in adoption, the burdens and responsibilities fall to all of us in society. Often though, fingers are pointed at only one segment of those involved, and either unfairly place all the blame for faulty adoptions on one party, or minimize the respect equally due to every member of the triad. To address this discrepancy in my own thought process I wanted to explore where some ethical responsibilities might initially come into play.

To begin with we can look at birth/first parent responsibilities.... more

Sometimes when I think of Charlie and I am missing him, I am especially missing the little baby newborn version of him that I spent three days with in the hospital, not the wild, rambunctious almost six year old he has become today.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t love who he is today because I do. (Lots and lots!) But those three days in the hospital, he felt like he was all “mine.” I hadn’t signed the relinquishment papers yet and I was his mother; just his mother, without the “birth” part in front of it. But then, I signed those papers and gave a... more

The best thing about being with someone for so very long, is that they get to know just what you need to pick yourself up from a really rough spot. They remember you when, as in when you were not so chubby, sporting so much grey hair, and how hot you once looked in leg warmers. Thankfully I have just that in my “retro love”, my husband of eighteen plus years, J. He knows this week has taken a toll on my sanity, and he understands why. Our dear five year old daughter mostly never lets a person catch their breath before the battle begins anew, so today he attempted... more