Entering into an open adoption can be a complicated endeavor. Even for parents who have prepared themselves in every way available, it can still fall short of what may be needed. Reading books, talking to others who adopted, meeting with counselors, selecting an ethical agency or facilitator, nothing can truly prepare you for the challenges that may lie ahead. Every adoption situation is as unique as the people involved. Every situation changes over time, as well as the feelings of all parties.

Part of what adoptive parents will learn... more

Just because adoptive parents have committed to an open adoption relationship does not mean that they are also agreeing to a shared parenting experience with birthfamily. Most parents who adopt do so out of a great desire to fully parent children and there is nothing wrong with the wish to do that. Part of the loss that birthparents will go through in adoption involves the loss of authority to make daily and long term parental decisions for their birth child. This is a difficult loss, but that is part of the importance of placing parents fully understanding... more

As with any relationship an open adoption is bound to have a few bumps in the road at some point. Finding support and resources to help you and the others involved work out any conflict can be more challenging in some situations than in others.

If you worked with an adoption agency post placement services may be available to both birth and adoptive families or perhaps even joint counseling through the agency. If you adopted or placed privately and independent of an adoption agency you might find yourself looking on your own for a counselor/counselors... more

Last week, I wrote a few posts about dealing with different issues that may come up over the years in adoption situations. I received an email about an issue that I did not think about.

“My daughter’s adoptive mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. This has been hard on me, their family, and of course my daughter. I’d love it if you could suggest some ideas on ways to support my daughter and her family through this time. Our adoption is pretty open”

Cancer is a terrible disease that attacks just about anyone. Just hearing... more

Everyone who adopts hopes that their family and friends will be positive and supportive but unfortunately that is not always what ends up happening. There are all too often people around us who have little or limited understanding of adoption and it’s unique challenges and they always seem to be very vocal about it to the new parents.

In my own personal experience some of the comments from perhaps (ok giving the benefit of the doubt here) well meaning but not especially well informed people have included the following and ok the blurps that follow... more

While talking to our kids about their adoption experience can be a time to connect and discover how their little minds are processing things, there can also be some tough stuff in adoption we will need to explain as well.

Explaining some difficult things that perhaps led up to an adoptive placement is one example. Knowing how to speak to your child about situations that were at play in their birthparent’s life that precipitated an adoption is hard and needs to be addressed with care for how the explanations will effect the child’s self esteem.... more

Well a ton of news has been coming in here today, not all of it good.

I got an email from my four year old’s great grandma that she was awarded full custody of my daughter’s seven month old baby brother (the good news I suppose). Then I received an email from grandma that birthmom R was arrested in another state for grand theft auto, a felony (the bad news). Somehow I was not surprised about the arrest, they have been looking for her for over a month now. She has enough prior issues she was on... more

My fellow blogger Coley did a great post about adoptive parents welcoming a new addition into their family and I wanted to share one of my experiences with that as well.

When we added our second daughter to our family our oldest child was thrilled to say the least! Her extended birthfamily were not overly excited, but they also were not negative, they are just more reserved as people so we never really thought much about their reaction. Just a short eighteen months... more

Your child’s adoptive parents have announced that they are going to have a new addition to their family. They may be adopting again or perhaps they have unexpectedly become pregnant. Regardless of the means of how the child is coming to them, they are preparing for a new arrival!

How does this make you as a birthmom feel? Do you feel excited and happy for your child and his or her family? Do you feel a little anxious or nervous that perhaps your child will not get as much attention as they did before the new addition? Does a subsequent adopted child... more

Continued from Part 1

Although you may be sad about the move and feel many different emotions, it’s important to remember that the child is the most important person in this whole situation, so making him or her feel secure with the changes that are about to come about is of the utmost importance.

How can you make your child feel loved and still be a part of his or her life while living miles and miles away?