I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

Sometimes in open adoptions, you may loose contact or have a lapse in contact with the other party. Perhaps you used to talk every few weeks and it’s been way more than a few weeks since you last talked.

A lapse in contact could occur for different reasons. It could simply be because life gets hectic. Families, careers, school, etc. can sometimes get in the way of even the best of intentions. Possibly it could be that the others involved are going through an emotional time and just hasn’t found the strength to pick up the phone and call as they used... more

There really is a deep social stigma against anyone who places a child for adoption, and though perceptions may have changed over the decades, those negatives have certainly not completely gone away. Birthparents are often subjected to rude comments and perceptions that are judgmental and unfair. People might wonder aloud why anyone would “give away” their baby. What kind of person does something that most could never imagine doing? While I have begun to understand how hurtful society can be concerning birthparents, as the years progress on... more

My co-blogger Coley, who also writes for the crisis pregnancy blog, recently did a great post concerning a birthparent view of things a expectant mother should consider before making an adoption plan. Some really great advice! I agree with her wisdom and perspective. While reading this post though, I began thinking how many of those same things could be slightly adjusted and addressed to potential adoptive... more

While it is true that adoption can provide for the needs of many of the world’s abandoned children, and even offer an option for expectant mothers, who for a myriad of reasons might not be able to parent their child, it is certainly not a cure all. People also offer up openness as a solution for some of the many issues that come with adoption, but sadly even open adoption cannot address everything. Sometimes openness is an odd mixture that can benefit a child in some ways, as well as potentially set them up to repeat negative birthfamily... more

I noticed some time back, that Jenna at the birthparent blog had mentioned the concerns she has about some visits with her Munchkin. More recently she spoke of how some visits might not be possible as the birth of her new baby nears. I agree that even when missing some visits cannot be avoided (like when you need to take it easy during a high risk pregnancy) it is still a very disappointing thing.

I too have noticed how hard things in an open... more

If there are multiple children in one adoptive family, unless they share the same birthparents, the children may have different types of adoption. It could be a huge difference such as one having a closed adoption or one having an open adoption. Or it could be varying levels of involvement and open adoption. These scenarios can make it harder on the child in the family who is not receiving as much contact with his or her birthparents. Since no two birthmothers are the same, I suspect this happens often in open adoptions.

This is the case in our open adoption.... more

When we adopted our first child, and well before, somehow my husband and I just knew we could not take this child, any child, home and not want to keep them connected on some level to their birthfamily. This was not the most popular or understood decision with our friends and family however. Most of them could not understand why we would not want to just take our child home, and enjoy being parents without the constant reminders of how that came to pass. Looking back now, three open adoptions later, I think we can honestly say it is amazing we did not lose or resolve... more

When most families are expecting a new baby, they have the benefit of family history. With this comes a bit of an idea concerning possible personality, among other things, about their coming child. Of course even biological relatives can vary greatly in personality, but the likelihood of a good family “fit” is not as extreme as it can be when a child comes through adoption.

When a child joins a family through adoption, a predictable roadmap of disposition is no longer even a slight given for the expectant family. The child they welcome could... more

"In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, and the choices that we make are ultimately our responsibility." -Eleanor Roosevelt

There is a lot to be said for making choices thoughtfully. Part of the responsibility of being a thoughtful person also means accepting those choices, no matter how they ultimately turn out for us. This is often easier said than done. One of the hardest tasks I have had thus far as a parent, is... more