There are times in each and every open adoption situation in which your child’s adoptive family may be going through something such as a death or one of the parents being in accident, ill, or hospitalized. Recently, I have experienced this is my own adoption situation as my son’s (adoptive) mother as she has been in the hospital. Don’t worry, it’s not life threatening. However it does put a strain on communication at this point in time as most communication between my son and I originates through her.

Life has a tendency of throwing curve balls at us and circumstances like these will arrive where it is beyond our control. For a self admitted control freak like me who hates change this... more

I just told the readers of the unplanned pregnancy blog how important it is to discuss and consider conflict resolution while in the matching process. And so, I ask you, my birth and adoptive parents living in open adoption: are you communicating? And I don't simply mean are you talking, sending pics or even visiting. I mean: are you communicating.

Are you hearing one another? Are you addressing conflict? Are you coming to resolutions? Are you respecting the others boundaries while still working on your own issues and moving towards healing (or whatever... more

In my last post, I wrote about when as a birthparent there are times that you just have to pick up that phone, call up your child’s adoptive parent, and share news that probably isn’t the best. In that post, I was discussing sharing news when there is a medical issue but there are times you may have to share other news that isn’t so great like a death in the family. I get flustered, nervous, and never know exactly what to say or how to do it when I have bad news to share, so I came up with a few tips... more

In a recent post, my co-blogger Deb, wrote about receiving news that a child’s biological cousin could possibly have a genetic condition and her child could be at risk for the same condition struck a chord with me. In her post, one of the points she makes that one of the benefits of open adoption is that you have first hand access to medical information and I couldn’t agree with her more.

As a birthmother actively participating in an open adoption, I feel that one of my obligations to Charlie is... more

Another negative aspect of open adoption (again, this could work for any adoption situation) is the “what if” factor.

I kind of blindly placed Charlie, I didn’t research my options much, I didn’t really look into parenting. I just thought that I would never be able to successfully parent two children as a single mother and that Noah’s special needs would make parenting two children much harder. I also really wanted my baby to have a stable home with a mother and a father, neither of which I could provide at that moment in time. I also had financial concerns to worry about... more

My co blogger, Deb, recently wrote a great post from the adoptive parents’ point of view on what would happen to her children’s relationships with their birthparents should something happen to Deb and her husband before the children are grown.

This is something that I have thought about as a birthparent as well. A and I have discussed this before. In fact, she has brought it up more than once over the years. It is not something that was discussed before Charlie was born though and... more

Lately there have been several conversations online talking about some morbid stuff. The question of what happens to the children of open adoption, if something happens to adoptive parents, as in, gulp... death. It is an important question to be sure. Some of those concerned were also birthparents, worried about how their connections with their child would be preserved in the event of the adoptive parents passing, also a valid concern.

Of course this is something that my husband and I have also talked about, although not enough. Unfortunately we have yet to put any... more

Sometimes in relationships there are hurdles or obstacles that are thrown our way. These hurdles can strain a relationship at times, but typically with good communication, respect for each other, and patience these hurdles can be overcome.

There has been an ongoing hurdle in our open adoption relationship since January. I’ve only shared this hurdle with a few people. I haven’t spoken of it publicly (or had permission to) until now.

During the first week of January, I received a phone call from A (Charlie’s adoptive Mom). She was calling to tell me that she and S (Charlie’s... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

Most of the adoptive parents I have met in person are not what I would call, on the open adoption bandwagon. When I have brought up my own arrangements with my children’s birthfamilies, I am mostly met with shock or blank stares. The looks I get tell me that perhaps no one has ever fully explained the possibility of a really open adoption to them. No one has educated them to believe that they could consider it for their own situations.

I would say some of the fault here might rest with the agency that they adopted with. Not enough thought... more