In my last post, I wrote about when as a birthparent there are times that you just have to pick up that phone, call up your child’s adoptive parent, and share news that probably isn’t the best. In that post, I was discussing sharing news when there is a medical issue but there are times you may have to share other news that isn’t so great like a death in the family. I get flustered, nervous, and never know exactly what to say or how to do it when I have bad news to share, so I came up with a few tips... more

In a recent post, my co-blogger Deb, wrote about receiving news that a child’s biological cousin could possibly have a genetic condition and her child could be at risk for the same condition struck a chord with me. In her post, one of the points she makes that one of the benefits of open adoption is that you have first hand access to medical information and I couldn’t agree with her more.

As a birthmother actively participating in an open adoption, I feel that one of my obligations to Charlie is... more

Another negative aspect of open adoption (again, this could work for any adoption situation) is the “what if” factor.

I kind of blindly placed Charlie, I didn’t research my options much, I didn’t really look into parenting. I just thought that I would never be able to successfully parent two children as a single mother and that Noah’s special needs would make parenting two children much harder. I also really wanted my baby to have a stable home with a mother and a father, neither of which I could provide at that moment in time. I also had financial concerns to worry about... more

My co blogger, Deb, recently wrote a great post from the adoptive parents’ point of view on what would happen to her children’s relationships with their birthparents should something happen to Deb and her husband before the children are grown.

This is something that I have thought about as a birthparent as well. A and I have discussed this before. In fact, she has brought it up more than once over the years. It is not something that was discussed before Charlie was born though and... more

Lately there have been several conversations online talking about some morbid stuff. The question of what happens to the children of open adoption, if something happens to adoptive parents, as in, gulp... death. It is an important question to be sure. Some of those concerned were also birthparents, worried about how their connections with their child would be preserved in the event of the adoptive parents passing, also a valid concern.

Of course this is something that my husband and I have also talked about, although not enough. Unfortunately we have yet to put any... more

Sometimes in relationships there are hurdles or obstacles that are thrown our way. These hurdles can strain a relationship at times, but typically with good communication, respect for each other, and patience these hurdles can be overcome.

There has been an ongoing hurdle in our open adoption relationship since January. I’ve only shared this hurdle with a few people. I haven’t spoken of it publicly (or had permission to) until now.

During the first week of January, I received a phone call from A (Charlie’s adoptive Mom). She was calling to tell me that she and S (Charlie’s... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

Most of the adoptive parents I have met in person are not what I would call, on the open adoption bandwagon. When I have brought up my own arrangements with my children’s birthfamilies, I am mostly met with shock or blank stares. The looks I get tell me that perhaps no one has ever fully explained the possibility of a really open adoption to them. No one has educated them to believe that they could consider it for their own situations.

I would say some of the fault here might rest with the agency that they adopted with. Not enough thought... more

I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

Sometimes in open adoptions, you may loose contact or have a lapse in contact with the other party. Perhaps you used to talk every few weeks and it’s been way more than a few weeks since you last talked.

A lapse in contact could occur for different reasons. It could simply be because life gets hectic. Families, careers, school, etc. can sometimes get in the way of even the best of intentions. Possibly it could be that the others involved are going through an emotional time and just hasn’t found the strength to pick up the phone and call as they used... more