It seems I still read so much that expects us to believe that the truth of adoption is all black and white, and not ever in shades of grey. While I know that there are many rights and wrongs concerning adoption, ‘black and whites’ if you will, I also have come to understand that the color grey is not as uncommon as many want to believe.

Every adoption is unique. For me some of the shades of grey lie in the individual situation, the details that can only apply to that one specific child or family. When some people want us to believe that adoption is always a bad thing... more

How badly do some people wish to adopt? Would some go so far as to ignore good, ethically sound judgement, just turn a deaf ear to injustices done to biological families in order to accept and keep a child in their home? What kind of family would Do something so cruel and immoral, all in the name of getting what they want (the child)?

Apparently these kind of families are in the major headlines of the news everyday, although often we never hear their names, only those who have been victimized by their poor judgement. Recent news has... more

This is the third part of my look at possible individual ethical responsibilities in the practice of adoption. I apologize for the delay, I was not well early this week, but am feeling more myself today. You will find parts one and two of the series here. . .

Ethics In Adoption, Individual Responsibility - Birthparents

Ethics In Adoption, Individual... more

When most people think about ethics in the adoption process, they think about what those who are adopting children are doing. Adoptive parents are often seen as the only people with control over the level of ethics in an adoption, but this is untrue. While others such as potential birthparents and adoption professionals also bear varying levels of responsibility, adopting parents do have a need to be throughly informed about the potential placement of a child they might accept.

Being able to make good judgements for adopting parents depends... more

When the adoption community speaks about ethics in adoption, the burdens and responsibilities fall to all of us in society. Often though, fingers are pointed at only one segment of those involved, and either unfairly place all the blame for faulty adoptions on one party, or minimize the respect equally due to every member of the triad. To address this discrepancy in my own thought process I wanted to explore where some ethical responsibilities might initially come into play.

To begin with we can look at birth/first parent responsibilities.... more

I was reading a recent article out of out of an Oklahoma City newspaper about the cost of adoption. Often times it is adoptive parents that we hear discussing and complaining (and rightly so!) about the cost of adoption, but it also a troubling issue for me and possibly other birth parents as well for a few different reasons.

First of all, on the emotional side of this issue, the cost of adoption and all the discussion that goes along with it can sometimes make me feel like I “sold my baby.” Of course,... more

After just arriving home today from a long vacation, one would think I would be rested and ready to go with may new and exciting ideas about adoption, unfortunately this is not the case. I found you can go away for however long you like, but the same tough issues still seem to travel with you. Those issues don’t especially change, and they don’t ever seem to go away. Adoption issues don't take a vacation. Apparently while I was away, this battle about the perceptions of adoption, who is right and who is wrong went on with out me. I am ok with being excluded... more

Many of us strive for a world where every need is met, every moral and ethical value is upheld, and things are just. . . well, the way we feel they should be. In a perfect world everything that causes conflict would cease to cause conflict, or just in fact cease all together.

While there is nothing inherently evil with idealizing your concept of the world, it is not all together being honest with yourself, or helping the world for that matter. The world is no perfect place, and simply living here will tell you, that some solutions we have found... more

"Propaganda is the deliberate, systematic attempt to shape perceptions, manipulate cognitions, and direct behavior to achieve a response that furthers the desired intent of the propagandist." Source: Garth S. Jowett and Victoria O'Donnell, Propaganda And Persuasion, 4th edition, 2006.

I have no doubt that reforms are needed in the world of adoption, to say otherwise would be to blatantly ignore the many flaws of our current system. Scores of other adoptive parents also see the ills of the past era of adoptions,... more

"In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, and the choices that we make are ultimately our responsibility." -Eleanor Roosevelt

There is a lot to be said for making choices thoughtfully. Part of the responsibility of being a thoughtful person also means accepting those choices, no matter how they ultimately turn out for us. This is often easier said than done. One of the hardest tasks I have had thus far as a parent, is... more