Well my visitors of the last three and a half weeks have left us today. I really enjoyed having my nieces stay with us, they will be missed by everyone here. My girls enjoyed playing with their older, “cool” cousins, and my little son enjoyed the extra pampering he received. We really all wanted to keep R and K forever. The sad detail in this visit, is that it was just one of many similar sad goodbyes over the years for us, and it made me again wonder why it has to happen.

The girls started coming to us as babies, being raised by a mother who... more

For every man out there who has touched the life of a child, and changed it in some positive way forever, today is definitely your day. There is so much more to the meaning of the word Father than most of us consider, and more than a few fellows who qualify for the honored title, but who may not even realize it.

For myself, if I were far better at sending cards and sentiments (ok I am a poor mailer of paper goods), there would be no shortage of guys to get my congrats on this hallowed occasion. Sadly... more

When we adopted our first child, and well before, somehow my husband and I just knew we could not take this child, any child, home and not want to keep them connected on some level to their birthfamily. This was not the most popular or understood decision with our friends and family however. Most of them could not understand why we would not want to just take our child home, and enjoy being parents without the constant reminders of how that came to pass. Looking back now, three open adoptions later, I think we can honestly say it is amazing we did not lose or resolve... more

My middle brother J called me today to wish me a happy Mother’s Day! I was very happy to hear from him since we have not always been so close over the years. The lack of closeness was not for any lack of love, but perhaps for just a general lack of understanding about how our life experiences have been so different. J is a 36 year old adoptee who is just beginning to come to terms with his situation in life.

His has been a long journey complete with five failed marriages, a string of fathered but un-parented children (some placed for adoption),... more

I can understand the reasoning behind the belief that reoccurring times such as birthdays and placement anniversaries can be a traumatic time for those who were adopted. It also happens to those of us who have suffered any deeply emotional loss, even the death of a child. What you will find is that this “feeling” of loss sort of goes into hibernation after a long initial period of grieving, but it still lies just under the surface and can show up in some interesting ways.

Many years I have just had what I somehow thought was an extreme “bad day” without... more

In the decades of closed adoptions, adoptive parents could choose to put the emotional details of adoption aside to come back and deal with at some future time, perhaps when their child became an adult and wanted to connect to birthfamily. Of course we have also learned with time that the system and process of closed adoptions is one that did not work well for most people involved. Many people were not told details and as a result had many questions which their adoptive families also had no clear answers for.

In the open adoptions of... more

Well a ton of news has been coming in here today, not all of it good.

I got an email from my four year old’s great grandma that she was awarded full custody of my daughter’s seven month old baby brother (the good news I suppose). Then I received an email from grandma that birthmom R was arrested in another state for grand theft auto, a felony (the bad news). Somehow I was not surprised about the arrest, they have been looking for her for over a month now. She has enough prior issues she was on... more

My fellow blogger Coley did a great post about adoptive parents welcoming a new addition into their family and I wanted to share one of my experiences with that as well.

When we added our second daughter to our family our oldest child was thrilled to say the least! Her extended birthfamily were not overly excited, but they also were not negative, they are just more reserved as people so we never really thought much about their reaction. Just a short eighteen months... more

Recently my hubby J and I were discussing Charlie, his adoption, different adoption scenarios, and the role that birthparents can or can not play in particular adoption situations.

J is not Charlie’s birthfather. There has never been any involvement on Charlie’s birthfathers part and I don’t foresee that changing in the near future. J was there for me during my pregnancy, the decision making process where I had to choose parenting or adoption, and then once I decided on adoption, he supported me through the adoption process. Had I chosen to parent, he... more

My four year old received a letter today in the mail. It was a letter from her little brother, who is too tiny to write himself (he is only 6 mons old) but he thankfully had a bit of help from his great grandma. It was very sweet. He was in essence saying thank you for an outfit she had picked out for him, and also that the new teethers she sent were really making his sore gums feel better. I had one tickled little girl who went to bed happy and tucking her little letter under her pillow.

This letter was a real boost to me as well because... more