As adoptive parents one of the most important things we can do for our children is to understand and acknowledge the birth “bond.” This can also be one of the most difficult things to do as the whole concept hits us in our most sensitive area, our own loss. Having a child by way of adoption, though joyful and fulfilling our need to nurture and become parents, can also remind us of our loss, the loss of the birth bond with our child.

What is the bond? Perhaps many do not even understand the difference between the “bond” of birth and the “attachment”... more

Out scouting around for interesting topics I came across this interesting PDF written by Karen Lundbland, LCSW concerning mediation in open adoption arrangements.

Lundbland has been in private practice as a full time mediator since 1998 in Eugene, at both the University of Oregon and Portland State University. While I personally cannot vouch for her services, I was very intrigued by the aforementioned article she wrote... more

Once you have adopted a child and agreed to an open relationship with one or both birthparents it can be difficult to know just how to get things started. When you first arrive home as a new family and are in the midst of learning all about your new child, it is still very important to stay connected with his or her birthparents. Making a relationship will take time and effort and it also involves honoring each person’s unique role in the child’s life.

There are little things you can do to keep communication flowing in those early days as you go... more

Today was our second snow day in a row here! This came as a major shock to my system as our little private school (The Die Hard Academy) almost NEVER has ONE snow day let alone two in a row. This is one for the history books, because I do not remember it before and doubt it will ever happen again. I already knew with all three kiddos at home I was not going to get any real work done, and I readied myself for some cabin-fever to come.

We had a lazy little Valentine’s day. I made red, heart shape pancakes with strawberry jam in between them.... more

In honor of the coming holiday (and in light of recent negative studies and related grumblin) I wanted to comment on some positive, loving things that can come out of the open adoption experience.

People always have things to say about the difficulties that adoption brings with it. It can become way to easy to get bogged down and forget what we who are involved in an open adoption are working so to hard to make happen.

It’s about the kids, loving them and respecting each other.

If... more

Back just before I started blogging here, I was able to host a talk about adoption for my daughter’s 4th grade class. Although there are many adopted persons in her school, she is the sole adoptee in her grade. Her fellow classmates (most she has been with since 3 yr old pre-school) have never been negative about adoption or teased her in any way, still I felt it was the right time to help them have a better understanding of the topic. I thought it was important that my daughter and I together present some adoption related information and... more

Recently a family member of someone that I posted about(and received many comments on) was nice enough to read the post and leave her take on the situation.

The original post was concerning birthmother Liliana Gullo and the open adoption of her son Caleb. After many thoughts were expressed about the original article, Liliana's sister Jessica was nice enough to offer her own very thoughtful comment. I felt what she had to say warranted... more

Today staffer Brandy over at the forums posed a very interesting question.

What does “adoption friendly state” mean to you?

I think it really takes no amount of guess work to figure out that the “adoption friendly” definition of laws in any state are really described as such with adoptive parents in mind. This is not to say that there are not states with laws that are in fact... more

With all the information out there for adult adoptees seeking to access original birth records when searching for birthparents, I thought it would be good to discuss how having access in an open adoption can benefit your child and their rights to their own information.

It might not sound like a big deal, getting a copy of your adopted child’s original birth certificate, after all you may already know all the information that it would show anyway. For many adoptees however, one of the most stinging realities of being an adopted person lies... more

Today on Oprah the topic was the great divide between stay at home mothers and those who work outside the home. This seems to be a battle that has pit mom against mom for far to long. Each side holds beliefs they feel are benefitting their children, but neither completely agreeing that there is more than one way to be a good mother.

I could not help but see a correlation between this ongoing struggle about who is right and wrong among the mommies of the... more